Notification about short break from writing

Salam All. I pray that you are in the best of health. I have not written an article for just over a month and I shall not be writing one until at least February. What with revision and preparation for exams, i currently don’t have the time to balance out revision with writing. I hope that you all understand and please remember me in your duas.
W/Salam
Alima

The portrayal of Muslims in the media - By Alima Ali

Salam all! I pray that you’re all in the best of health. It is evidently clear that Islam is the world’s fastest growing religion in the West. However, that does not overshadow the negativity that is portrayed by the Media regarding Islam and unfortunately, it is the ignorant and prejudice people that end up portraying the whole of the Muslim community.

It is unfortunate that those around us perceive Islam as being a violent and extreme religion whereby rules are constantly inflicted upon us and thus, results in us hiding away from society. These are more or less opinions rather than facts and this is due to many non-Muslims mistaking culture for religion.

I have lost count at the number of times that i have been asked ‘Were you forced to wear that thing?’ ‘thing’ referring to the hijab/headscarf. There are times where i find it so difficult to not turn around and say ‘Does it look as if i was forced?’ But at the end of the day, i got to remember that despite not knowing it, i am all the while representing the Muslim population and so, i have to be patient and understanding and try my best to explain to them that they should not always believe everything that they see/hear in the media. Unfortunately, it is usually the minority representing the majority and the end result is our religion being branded as being ‘extreme’.

A prime example is the Panorama episode titled ‘Panorama: British schools, Islamic rules’. This was aired a few weeks ago and it sure stirred up some discussion among the Muslim community. To cut it short, they basically ‘researched’ Islam and went about picking out certain things and twisting it so that us Muslims are seen as being the ‘bad guys’. Have a read for yourself and see just how the media have twisted Islamic principles so that in their eyes and in the viewers eyes, Islam is simply a extreme religion which encourages Muslims to single themselves away from society (from people who are from a different religious background) :
http://www.guardian.co.uk/media/2010/nov/22/bbc-panorama-islamic-schools-antisemitism

You have probably realised that Muslims and media don’t really go hand in hand – we’re like arch enemies and it’s actually quite a shame. If only they really knew us; They would realise that we ain’t half what they make us out to be.

I think that at times, we bring it upon ourselves. An example can be the whole burning the Pakistan flag. Can someone please tell me the purpose of this because till this very day, i haven’t a clue. When non Muslims see Muslims in big groups screaming and burning a flag and throwing shoes then what are they expected to believe? And then you have the controversial stories of the 9/11 and the London Underground bombings which were supposedly carried out by Muslims. Now, we can easily argue this point but you can’t ignore the news headlines about the small number of Muslims who blow themselves up in the name of God. Non-Muslims see such headlines and freak out and become all paranoid and so, generalise the whole of the Muslim population as being a threat.

I’m going to end my article here as i think that you have a rather good idea about the portrayal of Muslims in the media. So this is Salam from me. Until next time, stay safe, remember me in your duas and keep smiling!

Asalamualikum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuhu

Top 5 tips on how to survive in a mixed college - By Alima Ali

Salam Everyone! How are we all doing? I pray that you’re in the best of health. The topic for this article was suggested by a fellow reader so i hope that you enjoy reading it and find it of some use.

I would first like to share with you a film that i have just recently watched entitled ‘Arranged’ It is a film that is basically based on two female teachers – One is a Muslim and the other is Jew and they are totally opposite to one another. The conflicts between the two religions makes their friendship an unlikely one but what they soon find out is that they have one big thing in common – Both their families want them to have an arranged family. It has everything – romance, a bit of comedy, a great story and most importantly a happy ending.

In regard to my previous article ‘Do love marriages exist’, i received some feedback from brother Ateeb. For those who have forgotten who he is, he designed my book cover  Anywho, i was quite astonished at his astonishment about the concept of arranged marriages and it was only till then did i realise how members of the opposite gender are almost shadowed away from the whole concept. Nevertheless, his comments were an eye opener and have given me some ideas for future articles so Jazakallah Khair Ateeb for your feedback.

Now back to the article. Alhumdilillah, i was fortunate enough to go to an all girls secondary school and i was warned by many people about how it would not only be a big jump from gcses to A levels, but also a big jump from being in a single sex environment to a mixed environment – What a big jump it was! There are about 100-120 students within the sixth form, 30 of which are male so it ain’t a properly mixed environment. Nevertheless, from day1, i noticed there being a massive change in the girl’s behaviour when a guy was around and it did take some time getting used to. Alhumdilillah, all is well and i live to write this guide on ‘How to survive in a mixed college’ so, here we go!

Tip Number 1: - You may have never seen one before, but that specie that you’re so curious of is a member of the opposite gender. There is a name for that sort of person – A guy. It’s utterly amazing how a female acts so differently when a guy is present. They suddenly go all giggly and the famous twirling of the hair appears out of no-where. You can imagine the sort of conversation that would take place if a guy approached this sort of girl and asked her if she knew what the Chemistry homework was. Lights...camera.... It’s time for role play!

Guy: Hey, you’re in my Chem class right?
*looks around her*
Girl: Who me?
Guy: Erm yh.... I just wanted to ask you whether you wrote down the homework.
*Girl begins to panic and grabs her bag which falls to the floor. She picks up the bag and looks for her planner only to realise that she has left it at home*
Girl: Where is it? Why am i such an idiot for?
Guy: Chillax. If you ain’t got it then don’t sweat. It’s all good.
*Guy begins to walk away to ask someone else*
Girl: NO! IT WAS..... I’M SURE THAT IT WAS..... WELL..... I’M NOT SURE WHAT THE HOMEWORK WAS BUT I’LL FIND OUT FOR YOU AND THEN LET YOU KNOW AND WE CAN DO IT TOGETHER IN THE LIBRARY – JUST THE TWO OF US AND-‘ *girl is talking in a rushed high pitched voice*

You get the picture. So tip number one is to just be yourself. And if you can’t do that, then try not to make it too obvious to the opposite gender that you are losing all sense of normality because of their presence.

Tip Number 2:- We have established that he is a guy and that you are a girl so talking = okies. But what’s up with the whole hugging business? And how can i forget the famous ‘He’s like a brother to me’ line.

The line has to be drawn somewhere and I’m assuming right about now. I think that what many people fail to remember is that guys and girls are totally different. There are some things that a girl does with her female friends that she cannot do with her male friends for example, she can’t ring up one of her male friends in the early hours of the morning complaining about stomach cramps because mostly likely he’ll turn around and say ‘well what do you want me to do about it?’. This point can be argued but guys aren’t that sensitive and for those who are, they don’t like to show it. I’m assuming it’s a man’s thing. You don’t need to be a genius to figure out that physical interaction between a guy and girl is forbidden in Islam. If you didn’t already know this, you know it now.

I have lost count at the number of times that i have heard the ‘He’s like a brother to me’ line. Don’t get me wrong, that can be the case but for many, it’s just an excuse. And what happens when you develop feelings towards your ‘so called brother’? So, tip number two is to try and avoid physical interaction. Simple... right? No. There may be times where you may have to shake a guys/girls hand. If this is the case, make sure that you’re only shaking the hand and not caressing it or something. Stupid as it may sound, it does happen.

Tip Number 3:- Leaving a lasting impression can be a good thing but surely you want to leave a positive impression?
I’m going to put it to you straight. If you’re walking around wearing clothes that are so tight it looks like as if they have been painted onto you, then surely you’re going to receive unwanted attention from the opposite gender. I can so easily put the blame onto the male gender and go on about Zina of the eyes, but to be fair, if your body is on display like a wax work, then what choice do they have? Yes they can so easily turn away but what are the chances of that actually happening?

And guys, we don’t want to see your boxers so for pity sake, pull up your trousers and invest in a belt! Trust me, on a Monday morning, the last thing that us females want to see is a pair of boxers staring us right in the face. It’s a rather unpleasant sight.
So, tip number three is to cover up and dress modestly because at the end of the day, you’re going to be held accountable.

Tip Number 4:- Dignity. Every heard of the word? We all like to have a laugh now and again but some people take it a step too far and it eventually reaches the point where they are simply making a fool of themselves. No-one likes to be put down so why do it to yourself? Tip number four is to know when to draw the line. As Muslims, we are encouraged to act in a certain way and if some-one is taking it a step too far, just quietly pull them onto one side and explain to them that they need to calm down.

And finally tip Number 5:- Simply be yourself! If there is anything that i have learnt in the last seventeen years of my life, it is to just be yourself. Just because you are in a mixed environment, it doesn’t mean that you should change your character in order to suit others. If they don’t like you for who you are then tough! It’s their loss. There are so many girls out there who change themselves for a member of the opposite gender and to be frank, that’s rather sad. Be yourself and you can’t go wrong!

And that is the end of the article. My next article shall be based on the portrayal of Muslims in the media and in the article after that, i shall be discussing whether women in Islam are allowed to work. Until next time, stay safe, remember me in your duas and keep smiling!
Asalamu Alaikum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuhu.
Alima

Do love marriages exist? - By Alima Ali

Salam All. I pray that you are in the best of health. It has been more than a while since my last article and only the lack of time can be blamed. It seems that college has taken over my life and the possibility of writing another article has been at the back of my mind for some time now, i just haven’t gotten round to writing it. Nevertheless, here i am so how you all doing? Alhumdilillah I’m very well (thanks for asking – JK)

I have chosen to write about the existence of love marriages as i believe that it is a topic that isn’t so openly discussed among Muslims (Pakistanis in particular) so, this is the opportunity of having an open discussion about it so feel free to comment.

About two weeks ago there was a wedding and no, i didn’t go. Nevertheless, it didn’t take me long to find out that it was a love marriage and by the sounds of it, this was the talk of the wedding. I can almost guarantee that half of you are sitting there thinking ‘It’s a love marriage – It’s not going to work out. There is no such thing’ and then the other half of you are probably thinking ‘Awwwwww how sweet – They met and fell in love. It’s like an Asian version of Cinderella’.

Personally, i think that both groups are right... and also wrong. However, before i go ahead with my ‘analogy’, i would like to share a quote with you. Now, this girl is going to hate me for publishing this in this article and i have no doubt that she’s probably cursing underneath her breath. She is one of the most subborn(est) people that i know and you’ll probably get a sense of that once you have read what she had to say.

“2 people fall in love. They spend their whole lives loving each other, spending time with each other, laughing with each other, bringing the best out of each other. And then, one day something goes wrong and that’s it – It’s all gone. The supposed ‘love’ vanishes. Death can make two people go apart true but aside from that, even if they are both alive, something can happen to ruin it all so why bother living in a dream land where love exists? You just end up breaking each other’s heart”

Harsh? Yes. Is she right? Maybe. That is from one persons POV and the next quote that i would like to share with you is from someone who somewhat believes in love marriages. This is what she had to say. I showed her the above quote and this is what she said in response to it. You got to love this.

“Well that can happen in an arranged marriage. Plus, there are arranged marriages where the couple are merely living with each other.... They are putting up with each other – either for the children, family or the shame of divorce. So there’s positives and negatives wither way as long as the couple act within Islamic boundaries and meet each other’s rights and needs then they should be happy in either. Plus, they have to be willing to compromise – Couples tend not to compromise which can make the relationship difficult”

I also asked a third person and this is what she had to say. “Take the case of Zainab ra there was no connection between her and her husband Zaid and the marriage ended simply on that basis. Considering one party was a mother of the believers and the other a sahaba and adopted son of a prophet! We Muslims are not dreamy or naive and do not expect marriage to be a bed of roses automatically. The initial spark may or may not be there it takes work. Many sisters did not feel any initial spark but later totally fell head over heels with the qualities of their spouse. I guess the spark should be there but make piety the main criteria”

Before i go any further with this article, i would first like to clarify what i mean by a ‘love marriage’. I don’t mean having a ‘trial and error’ period beforehand and then basing your final decision on whether ‘he/she is the one’ because chances are, it’s not going to work out. Your probably thinking ‘well who are you to say whether a marriage will work out or not’ but think about it for a second. If you have been ‘dating’ and ‘going out’ and been having a ‘physical relationship’ with someone outside marriage and doing God knows what else – In other words committing haram, what makes you think that a marriage that is based on the foundations of haram is going to work out? For this reason, maybe it is best for some girls and guys who cannot cope with the temptation and who are unable to control their sexual desires to marry at a young age. Notice the key word some. I personally don’t believe in teen marriages and marrying before the age of 18 but hey, that’s just my opinion. If you think that you have found your future partner and have received your parents blessing that hey, why not?

‘You can’t help who you fall for but you can control your actions' (Hajirah) From my POV, a love marriage is meeting someone through family, friends, university, Muslim dating websites etc and then feeling what can only be described as being a physical attraction.

I was having this conversation with a friend of mine and she too agrees with the whole love marriage concept. However, she did say that the question that we should be asking ourselves is ‘Do they last?’ In response to this ‘question’ i think yes and no. At the end of the day, Allah (swt) knows best and so, if it’s not meant to be.... then it’s not meant to be.

The two groups of girls. The group who are anti-love marriage and the group who are ‘for’ love marriages.

I know quite a few people who can easily be placed into this category but there is one person in particular. She is totally against love marriages and doesn’t believe in them full stop. So let’s ask ourselves, why? Why would someone such as this girl be so against the common trend of love marriages? Well, i personally believe that it’s because they want to play it safe, you know – go for the ‘tried and tested’ methods of the usual arranged marriage. When opting for the love marriage route, you’re putting a lot at risk and it is especially for difficult for the woman than compared to the man and I’ll tell you why. From a culture, POV, women generally have it hard and are blamed for almost every argument within a marriage. So, you can imagine the hype when a daughter announces to her parents that she has met someone and that she would like to marry him. If an arranged marriage goes wrong, there is usually a period of time in which the women is verbally abused but it everything sooner or later dies down. However, if a love marriage breaks down, it’s twice as bad because it was the girls choice and she was ‘naive, stupid, too young to make such a decision, childish’ and the list goes on.

To sum up the above paragraph, girls who are in the ‘anti love marriages’ group are afraid of being let down by their partner and are also afraid of relying on someone who has the ‘power’ of so easily walking away, leaving them to pick up the pieces and the sad thing is that they can’t say anything in their defence because it was their decision.

Now the ‘For’ love marriages group. I’m sure that many of you were brought up reading fairy tales such as ‘Cinderella’ and ‘Beauty and the Beast’. I for one wasn’t and so, for most of my childhood, convinced myself that i was a tom boy. Anywho, it wasn’t until about two or three years ago when i first became interested in the Islamic perspective of love, the cultural perspective and the usual ‘Happy ever after’ perspective and i can now honestly say that i believe in the existence of love marriages. As i said earlier on in this article, my opinion of love marriages is meeting some though family, friends etc BUT not having a physical relationship with them... if that makes sense.

Love marriages are over exaggerated and made to fool people into thinking that it simply involves finding someone, marrying them, having a few kids and wait for it... living happily ever after. Well allow me to burst your little bubble and bring you back into the real world because the whole ‘happily ever after’ is just a joke. It takes two to tango and in this case, it takes two to make a marriage wok. Alongside the power of the prayer, commitment, strength and love are all the ingredients needed to make the ‘love marriage’ recipe.

So, why do people so strongly believe in love marriages? I think that it’s because they just want to be loved for who they are. They just want someone to turn around and say to them that they accept them for what they are. I think that a girl’s biggest fear is losing the one(s) that she loves. Marriage is all about uniting a man and woman and increasing the Ummah. A marriage is all about bonding 2 people of the opposite gender and in a way, moulding them together to make an almost perfect couple.

I have read quite a bit into the concept of love within Islam and for those who don’t believe in love, I suggest that you read about the relationship between Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) and Khadijah and please, don’t come out with ‘It was different in that period of time’. I know that the male gender within our generation are quite.... tapped shall i say but the concept of love within Islam has not changed.

Unfortunately in many cultural marriages, a man/woman marry just for the sake of it and so, you can sort of understand why , in SOME cases (not all) the marriage eventually breaks down. If a couple have nothing in common, have no passion in their relationship, no trust or understanding, then what’s the point?

Do i think that love exists? Yes – And i say that without the slightest of hesitation. At the end of the day, everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It’s time for me to wrap this article. Hopefully, you won’t have to wait long to read my next article which shall be called ‘Top 5 tips on how to survive in a mixed college’. I hope that you enjoyed reading this article and once again, i apologize about the delay. Until next time, stay safe, remember me in your duas and keep smiling!

Asalamu Alaikum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuhu.

Miss Perfect: Does she exist? – Countdown 10 - 1 - By Alima Ali

Salam All. I pay that you are in the best of health. I am writing this article in response to a comment that i received regarding my article ‘Mr Perfect: Does he exist?’ where ‘Sharinghitman’ goes: ‘eerrr... MISS PERFECT. DOES SHE EXIST?’ It is because of this comment that i have decided write this article. However, before i go ahead with the countdown, there are a few videos that i would like to share with you.
The first two videos are just so just so inspirational – That’s all that I’m going to say because i want you to watch the videos for yourself. They are a real eye opener and have such a positive impact. Subhanallah!

Link One: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r0avuvShIbI&feature=player_embedded

Link Two: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V4axp5V_j6E

I shall be sharing the third video with you a bit later on in this article. I have been bombarded with several article suggestions and I’m currently making my way through each suggestion. One of the suggestion was to write an article about ‘one of the most powerful and influential series of videos that you’ll ever see on the internet’ That’s right. I’m talking about The Arrivals. I’m going to admit that i am quite apprehensive about writing an article about ‘The Arrivals’ mainly because i have not seen the full series myself – I have only seen clips and so, i believe that before i am to write an article about it, i must first watch it and understand it so that article is currently on hold.

As well as the suggestions, i have been received quite a few emails from fellow Brothers and Sisters asking me ‘what inspired you to write?’ Well, let me tell you. The person or should i say people that influenced me and transformed me into becoming a keen reader and eventually writer has to be my various English teachers, all of which taught me something different. But in all honesty, it wasn’t until i first met Amrana before i began to seriously think about the different ways in one can present a message to the younger generation whether it be in the form of a video or an article.

I always admired the way she was able to so easily grasp ones attention and it wasn’t until i had stepped into the ‘Big bad world’ that i realised just how negatively the younger generation were being portrayed and it was at this moment in time that i turned my attention to writing articles. So Amrana, thank you. Thank you for being such a positive role model and a brilliant Ustada, friend and Sister. I hope that one day i will be look back and be able to proudly say ‘I know her’
I would like to make one thing clear before i continue on with this article. In my previous article ‘Does my Bum look big in this’ i did include a link to a Google image of Kim Kardashians rear end and now that i think about it, it was wrong of me to do so. I did not in any way intend to commit Zina and i do apologize. It would have made more sense for me to have shown you a cartoon instead so sorry!

Now, back to this article. I am going to ATTEMPT to think like a guy and identify, from a male POV what they may be looking for in a marriage spouse. I think that we have such high expectations from the opposite gender and so, we end up thinking ‘There is no-one out there for me to marry’ *Sighs*

Every girl wants a husband who is a millionaire, who has an IQ of 180, a mansion with a swimming pool, and also a Villa in Spain. I’m assuming that every guy wants a wife who is as skinny as a stick (I hope that your view has changed since reading the ‘Does my Bum look big in this?’ article) A woman who can cook, clean, raise 5 kids and be able to be there for them at their every need.

And you’re wondering why you can’t find a spouse? Maybe its what you’re looking for in a marriage partner rather than where you’re looking. Many females who are looking for a marriage partner are almost 100% certain as to what they think a guy looks for in a marriage partner: Best Friend, Soul mate etc. These are o/k but they aren’t really qualities so, prepare yourself as i go though the ‘Top ten traits that a Muslim man MAY look for in a possible marriage partner’

10) Humour. If a Brother has met his almost Miss Perfect spouse, then he would expect her to have a funny side. I mean, this is big – This person could potentially be the person that you’re going to be spending the rest of your life with so you can imagine how grim the relationship may be if your wife doesn’t know how to laugh. On a serious note, if she doesn’t prove to be ‘the one’ because she doesn’t have the ‘funny’ gene, then she may want to pay a visit to her local doctor. He/She could provide her with some professional help....
Then again, no guy would want a wife who laughs like a hyena at every little thing that he says just for the sake of it. That would be awkward and the husband will be left thinking ‘Exactly who or what have i married?’

9) Compliments. I have in many of my previous articles talked about how a man’s ego is his pride and glory so for a woman to give him the occasional pat on the back can be quite encouraging. It is a motivating factor that a guy relies on and so, i believe that it is a quality that a guy may be looking for in a spouse. This may sound quite offensive but i am in no way trying to offend the male population. I’m merely trying to make a point. A guy is similar to.... a dog? They do all the tricks and then come running to you for a dog biscuit, a pat on the back and the whole ‘Who’s a good boy’ speech. Nevertheless, they do say that ‘A dog is a man’s best friend’ so take it as a compliment...

8) Understanding. We all know that men and women are COMPLETLY different to one another and we can just about understand ourselves, let alone someone who is of the opposite gender. Mashallah the way that our minds work is just amazing. However, there are times when a male and female struggle to understand one another and this can be pretty frustrating. For example, a woman may struggle to understand why a guy must yell at the television scream every time their favourite team scores – A guy may struggle to understand why a woman insists that she needs to go on a shopping spree when she went just the other day.

From a guy POV, a woman can be quite ‘pushy’ and demanding so instead of having a nagging partner, they would like a wife who is patient and at least a little understanding. As soon as a woman tells her husband ‘You need to this’ and ‘You need to do that’, he automatically switches off because he can’t handle the pressure. This is why i believe that a guy would like a wife who knows when to ‘drop it’. This should bring the two together and allow them to open up to one another therefore increasing their levels of communication.

7) The little things. They say that ‘It’s the littlest things that count’. Unlike girls, a guy doesn’t really like to be ‘showered in gifts’ but that’s not to say that he doesn’t like to be appreciated. You don’t have to turn into ‘Superwoman’ but i believe that a guy will be looking out for a woman who is able to identify his individual needs (Girls, he should do the same for you).

6) Individuality. They say that ‘Every person is unique in their own way’ and i believe that it is a woman’s unique character that makes her the great person that she is. Speaking as a Muslimah, i understand just how girls are affected by the peer pressure of looking like the women that she sees on the billboards or on the magazine covers. Personally, i believe that a guy may be more attracted and geared towards marrying a woman who stands out from the crowd – Who ain’t like all the other girls and instead, is different (in a good way)

5) Appearance. I ranked this ‘quality’ at number five mainly because i was unsure as to where else to place it in the countdown and so decided to play it safe by placing it at number five. Statistics show that a woman’s smile is the most attractive physical feature (Read it in the Daily Mail) The more a woman smiles, the more confident a guy becomes in believing that this woman has a great personality (and also that she knows how to take a joke)

For some guys, appearance is a very important factor – For some, it ain’t that much of an issue. Like they say, ‘Its what’s on the inside that matters’ but hey, that’s just my opinion. I think that when it comes to appearance, different guys have different views and opinions so i think that I’ll leave it as that.

4) Personality. This is a factor that interests both genders. They say that ‘Opposites attract’ but this is not always the case. I think that it depends on the person in question. Whether the woman is the total opposite to you or whether you both have a lot in common is important to a certain extent but i think that what a Brother is really looking for when looking for a wife is someone whose personality is able to shine through. Someone who’s personality is able to reflect their inner beauty and also someone who they are able to have a good old laugh with. (Cheesy – I know!)

3) Good Listener. We all like to have a good moan and i think that this is something that the female population in particular are very good at. However, i have noticed that us girls have our closet fiends on speed dial (for emergency purposes) and it is them who we turn to for advice, support and a shoulder to lean on. That is all expected but i think that at times, a guy would like his wife to turn to him for all those things. I know that it won’t be the same as if you were moaning to your friend but hey, it’s worth a try ain’t it? I think that the guy would in turn like the same treatment. Instead of turning to one of his mates, i think that time to time he’ll like to turn to his wife for emotional support. Someone who would shut up and listen to him and not interrupt – at least not until he is finished that is.

2) Love. I think that this is something that every girl and many guys dream about. I know that a girl dreams of being loved for who she is, but the more i think about it, the more i begin to think that many guys would like to, in turn receive the same ‘loving’. Unlike girls though, guys don’t usually admit to such a thing – I’m assuming that it’s a guy thing? Nevertheless, i believe that it is an important factor that keeps a relationship together.

I have finally arrived at the ‘Big one!’. Can i have a drum roll please? *drum roll*
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1) Trust. Your entire marriage is built upon trust. All the other factors that i have mentioned in the countdown also help to hold a relationship together but trust is the main component. Whether it be trusting your partner to be there for you in your time or need or whether it be trusting your partner to pick up the kids on time, it is the lack of trust that can easily destroy a marriage and i believe that this is a factor that a guy is most scared of – Allow me to explain why. Whether you read it in a newspaper or in a magazine, you are bound to find at least one story about a woman who has just found out that her husband has been cheating on her with another woman or an article about a woman who committed suicide due to not being able to cope with her husbands lies.

In the relationship, it is the husband who has to be the ‘responsible’ one of making sure that he is able to support his family etc. He has so much pressure on his two shoulders (as do women) and he has been trusted by his wife to stand by her and make sure that the decision that he makes are the right ones. In a way, trust and decision making go hand in hand.

Once there is trust within a relationship, the foundation is built but this foundation can easily be broken. It takes a long time to trust someone but that trust can be gone within a matter of seconds. No pressure then.

And that is the end of the countdown! I do apologize about the delay and my only excuse is the lack of time. Despite this being my thirtieth article, i have decided to slow down a bit. I return to sixth form in a few days and i know that i won’t have enough time to write weekly articles. Many of you are probably aware of just how difficult it is becoming to get into university which is why this year is a crucial one for me. I shall still be writing, just not as often – Probably one article every two months.

The ‘Ask Alima’ service shall still be going and the book ‘It’s just a Fairy Tale’ is still in its proof reading stage. I do feel quite sad about having to come to a halt with the writing but i know that it’s something that i have to do. I’d like to thank each and every one of you for your support!
‘A Muslimah’s Blog’ group can be found on facebook so i would appreciate it if you would search, join and recommend. I promised you that i would leave you with a video and here it is. It is a mini Baba Ali production about how culture has negatively affected the whole ‘marriage proposal’ process.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=He2WVaxSYcw

Once again, Jazakallah Khair! Please, take care of yourself, remember the Ummah in your duas and keep smiling! Its charity!

Asalamu Alaikum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuhu.

‘Do you still want to be perfect?’ By guest writer

Salam All. I pray that you are in the best of health. A friend of mine emailed me asking whether i could possibly publish a short writing piece that she had written about body image. Mashallah she did such a brilliant job and i hope that you read it, understand it and most of all, benefit from it. Until next time my fellow Brothers and Sisters, take care, stay safe, remember me in your duas and keep smiling.
Asalamu Alaikum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuhu.

Are there times when you look in the mirror and think to yourself ‘I’m not pretty’? Images of models flash before your very eyes - We turn towards the media and dream of being perfect. In this article, i would like to uncover the true meaning of beauty.

They say that confidence comes naturally but this isn’t entirely true. I was a person who suffered from self confidence and longed for the ‘gift’ of being able to click my fingers and if my magic, be perfect. However, i wanted this all for the wrong reasons. I wanted to make myself perfect, but perfect for the wrong reasons.

And from months of battling this I think I am now able to reach out to other people Inshallah. I'm sure many of us may have been down that road or know someone who has.

Firstly, prettiness is temporal and beauty is eternal. Our beauty remains forever and it is reflected in many dimensions. Prettiness is temporal; it comes and goes. We want to be perfected and retouched like the fake girls we see on the pages of vogue magazine but no matter how hard you try, you will always be you but there is nothing wrong with that.

I would like to say that by questioning our beauty, we are in actual fact pushing away our original beauty. By questioning our beauty, we are also questioning God and asking him ‘Why hasn’t he made me beautiful?’

Next time you think this, look in the mirror and remind yourself that you are beautiful in your own way. Think about what you have got rather than what you haven’t. Get a pen and paper and list at least 10 good things about yourself. Go on. You’ve got nothing to lose!

Does my bum look big in this? - By Alima Ali

Salam All. I pray that you are in the best of health. I’m going to be open and admit that i was totally ‘bummed’ for ideas when it came to writing this article. Get it? Bummed as in – Ok moving on! Nevertheless, my good friend Marya was on hand and it was her idea to write an article based on the issue of weight.

I’m going to aim this article at both genders as i believe it is an issue that can affect both men and women (guys and girls). That is why i have decided to split this article into two parts. In the first part i shall be addressing the female gender and in the second part, i shall be addressing the male gender. Here we go!

We all come in different sizes – You have the group of girls who range from size zero to size eight and then you have the group of girls who are Pear shaped, Apple Shaped, Aloo shaped etc. I fit into this category but i can honestly hand on heart say that i am proud of being weirdly shaped. Seriously, the percentage of women who pay thousands of pounds to have Botox ‘pumped’ in their rear end in order to look like Kim Kardashians is just unbelievable. For those who don’t know who she is, then check this out:

http://blog.zap2it.com/thedishrag/legacyimages/thedishrag/images/2008/06/16/kim_kardashian_atlantic_records_jun.jpg

As you can clearly see, her rear end is ‘walking’ 2 miles behind her but do you see her complaining? I tell you what she is doing though, she is embracing her curves and she is embracing he feminine side. Curvaceous women can do all that but without the price tag.

And according to a recent scientific study that was carried by Oxford University, a big bum can help you live to a ‘ripe old age’ I read that in the MSN Health section so if i were you, i would celebrate your curvaceous behind as it is only a matter of time before everyone would be wanting one.

I think that sometimes the curvier girls end up feeling intimidated and almost threatened by the skinny stick insect girls. Let me give you a common example, one of which Marya came up with. You go to a restaurant and when it comes to order the food, your friend goes to the waiter ‘Oh i would like a plate of salad and a glass of Evian water’ I mean hello?? Are you or are you not at a restaurant? It’s not as if a typical restaurant’s menu consists of ‘A skinny chicken served with a plate of fate free fries and a glass of pure water’

You end up ordering the same as your friend and by the time you reach home, your dying of starvation and walking towards the kitchen like a zombie with your arms stretched out in front of you chanting ‘FOOOOOOD.... I NEED FOOOOOOD’

I’m telling you now, Curvy is the new skinny and statistics show that the opposite gender prefer hourglass and pear shaped women to size zero girls.... Don’t ask. I read it in the Daily Mail. So many women spend time, money and effort on trying to change themselves into someone that they’re not and most of the time they don’t do it for themselves but they instead do it to impress others. The ones who are the most truthful to you are the ones who accept you just the way you are, no matter what shape or size you may be. It’s what’s on the inside that matters and don’t you ever forget that. You are your own person and you are unique in your own way so stand up, hold your head high with one hand on your chest and the other one in the salute position and sing ‘I am who i am!!!!!!’ Ahem. Sorry about that.

Anywho, I’d like to move onto the second part of this article where i shall be addressing the male gender – Here we go! Us ladies understand that you guys take great pride in your appearance but what i don’t understand is why you feel you should look like a body builder? I’m assuming that it’s a ‘guy thing’?

Unlike women who come in two different sizes, guys come in three standard sizes. You have the tall and skinny guy, the short and beer belly guy and then the ‘Watch out Superman, You have met your match’ guy and occasionally, you have the ‘normal size’ guy. (I don’t mean to offend the male gender. I think that i had done enough of that in my previous articles)

I don’t think that it would be appropriate for me to use ‘curvaceous’ and ‘guy’ in the same sentence as the two just don’t go. However, i do believe that guys are just as conscious as women when it comes to body image – I mean, who isn’t? There is a BIG difference between being curvaceous and being overweight. It can be argued that there is nothing wrong with being overweight if you yourself are happy with the way you are. However, Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) warned us about the dangers of overeating: If he has to fill his stomach, then let him leave one-third for food, one-third for drink and one-third for air.” (Reported by al-Tirmidhi and Ibn Maajah. Saheeh al-Jaami’, 5674).

Be honest now, do you really leave 1/3 for air? I for one don’t and I’m sure that i don’t have to bore you with scientific consequences; Increase risk of diabetes, heart disease, stroke and the list goes on. What we need to do is find a balance between being a stick insect and a round beach ball and I’m addressing both genders. We have all had an ‘omgosh it doesn’t fit anymore’ crisis. Girls, that pair of jeans that you only brought two weeks ago didn’t shrink in the wash and guys, the buttons on the new shirt that you brought for the job interview weren’t already loose.

You see where all growing. Instead of fighting it, we should be embracing it and attempting to find a balance between being underweight and overweight.

It is time for me to wrap up this article. If you have any suggestions for future articles, you can contact me via email: alima-15@hotmail.co.uk

Until next time my fellow Brothers and Sisters, take care, stay safe, remember me in your duas and keep smiling.

Asalamu Alaikum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuhu.

The Concept of Love - By Alima Ali

Salam all. I pray that you are in the best of health. Usually before i write an article, i have a clear image inside my head as to the ‘theme’ of the article but i with this one i just allowed my fingers to do the typing. I’m using past tense as i have already written half of this article so Marya, you don’t need to jump down my neck about using different tenses – hehe.

Before i allow you to go ahead and read this article, I’d first like to make a few points as well as share some news with you all. First of all some brief news regarding my book ‘It’s just a Fairy Tale’. Well at the moment it is on hold and that is because i am getting a very close friend of mine to proof read what i have written and I’m hopefully planning on using her feedback to improve on the chapters that i have already written. I am also suffering from what can only be described as being a writer’s worse nightmare – A writer’s block. I’m trying to figure out as to where i want to go next and the most frustrating thing is that i have got the ending all planned out as well as part of the beginning but i haven’t quite pieced together the middle. Nevertheless, i am working on it and just pray that Allah swt provides me inspiration. As well as this, i have also been looking into publishers and have contacted one or two publishing companies. I have also been looking into literacy agents and doing some research.

Now, onto my second point. One of my readers commented on the overall concept of my articles and described me as ‘wasting my time by talking about love and politics’ which is why i would like to take the opportunity of bluntly saying that if you have a problem with me talking about i quote ‘love and politics’ then don’t bother reading my articles. My articles are mainly aimed at the female gender and i usually write and discuss topics that the female population are able to relate to. Only recently have a few guys begun to read my articles and hey, that’s ok – I have no problem with that.

If you don’t like to read what i write about then you can easily suggest a topic/issue and I’ll try my best to write an article based upon what you have suggested but please don’t turn around and be downright rude.

Amongst all this, i have come up with an idea. I know your probably thinking ‘Oh no, what is she up to now?’ but i actually got the idea from a Charmed episode. Before i go ahead and tell you what the idea is, i would firstly like to say that i am 100% serious and committed and whether it will work Allahu Alim but i won’t know unless i give it a go. Ok. Brace yourself people. I am thinking of doing something called ‘Ask Alima’ – See it as being a sort of agony aunt service. This will give you the opportunity to email me with any problems that you may have or any questions that you would like answers to but are too embarrassed to ask. It would be 100% confidential and no one – I repeat no-one would know of your question/problem(s). You may just want someone to talk to or a shoulder to lean on but either way, i would only be an email away. Like they say ‘A problem shared is a problem halved’ and if you can help someone, they hey, why not. So erm what do you think? Like i said, I’m just an email away: alima-15@hotmail.co.uk I’ve got nothing to lose but you may have a lot to gain.

Phew! Now that i have gotten that out of the way, i can finally introduce my article. I hope that you enjoy reading it and i can almost guarantee that you will find yourself cringing at certain ‘cheesy parts’ and i apologize. I have just finished reading an Act from Romeo and Juliet and so I’m still in a ‘dazed’ mood. I just want to add in a quick thank you to Ayesha Bashir who kindly pointed out a common spelling mistake of mine. All i can say is that you cannot always rely on Microsoft Word Spell Check.

Here is my article: ‘The Concept of Love’ Enjoy!

Love is an expression of what one feels for another being. It is a four letter word that is overly used and the meaning that it holds is quite overwhelming. Every girl dreams of it – Whether the opposite gender shares the same ‘dream’ is a question that is yet to be answered. The whole concept of love shouldn’t be shared but rather be kept between two lovers.

For those people who deny the existence of love, please answer this: You use the word ‘love’ in your everyday language. You say that you love chocolate, that you love playing sports and maybe even shopping but then why don’t you believe in being able to love a physical being?
Some people make the common mistake of mistaking lust for love but despite their similarity, they are two different things. Lust comes from Shaytan and is merely a temptation to commit wrong whereas Love comes from Allah swt and is a great blessing.

There is a reason as to why they say love ‘love grows within a marriage’ and there is also a reason as to why sexual contact with the opposite gender is forbidden outside marriage. However, why do many of insist on believing that the whole ‘boyfriend/girlfriend’ issue is tolerated in Islam?

Tell me; what is more important to you – Your religion or your boyfriend. Wherever you go, your deen will go with you but can the same be said for your boyfriend who is supposedly meant to be your ‘soul mate’? And how can he be your ‘soul mate’ if you have committed haram to be with him? I am in no way targeting a specific individual or specific group of people so i do apologize i f i end up offending anyone – That is not my intention.

A few days ago someone asked me whether i am in love and to be honest with you, i didn’t know whether to burst out laughing or whether to say ‘Say what?!’ Apparently this person asked me this question because i frequently, within my articles, talk about romance and marriage. The reason why i so frequently talk about such issues is because speaking as an Asian, i believe that such topics have in a way been ‘shunned’ away and so if you were for example to talk about romance within a marriage, you will suddenly find the people around you muttering stuff like ‘Besharam’ because from a cultural point of view, discussing such a topic is seen as being an embarrassment.

In the end, you’re left with a typical boxing arena scene. Ahem. *loud bulky voice* ‘In the Red corner we have the Besharam crew and in the Blue corner we have the Muslim ladies – Round1, Ding Ding!’ The Outcome? A bunch of typical Asians who have still yet to get over the traumatic experience of being asked to discuss the concept of love and a bunch of confused.com Muslim ladies who still have a bunch of unanswered questions and still no-one to turn to.

I think that what many of us fail to remember is that you can have the almost perfect husband (or wife) but if the love and the passion ain’t there, then what’s the point? There are many different aspects to a marriage and one of them includes love. You see, a marriage is a bit like a jigsaw puzzle. You need to have all the pieces in the correct place in order to see the full picture but if one piece is missing, then the jigsaw i.e. marriage ain’t complete. Don’t even ask me how i come up with these analogies.

Believe it or not, i never used to believe in the whole love ‘thing’ and i used to be a major prude in secondary. Nevertheless, i have grown to believe that love does exist and that it ain’t just some fantasy that you read about in a fairytale – It is in actual fact real.

I don’t know about you, but i find it so much easier to be able to ‘express’ myself in writing rather than verbally which is why when it comes to discussing such issues, i feel that i can openly express my opinions in an article but if i were to discuss it with someone verbally, my face would be turning red, yellow, pink, green, orange and then eventually back to red.

I think that it is about time for me to wrap up this article so i wish you all the best. Stay safe, remember me in your duas and please, for the sake of the Ummah keep smiling. And also, please remember your brothers and sisters who are suffering from the floods in Pakistan in your duas. May Allah swt make things easy for them and provide them with strength and courage.

Until next time, Asalamualikum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuhu

Doctor Vs Lawyer: The limited choices - By Alima Ali

Salam All. I pray that you are in the best of health. This is an article that i have been meaning to write for some time but unfortunately, there just aren’t enough hours in the day. Also, with Ramadan being here, i have been trying to spend as much of my time in Ibadah and so, the only time that i have had to write is after Iftar.

Before i begin this article, I’d like to warn you in advance that i have just had 4 glasses of iced cold Pepsi as well as half a packet of family size skittles so at the moment, i am on a high so i do apologize if i stop making sense half way through the article. For those who know me, i am literally obsessed with Pepsi. Give me three witnesses any day and the Nikkah would be done quicker than you can say ‘Congratulations’ Unfortunately, that is not possible.

On the last day of my humanities lesson, my teacher decided to the unforgettable – She did something that everyone else before her have failed to do and she.... took two bottles of Pepsi off me. And then, oh yes there’s more – She then put me in the corner of the classroom and tied me to a chair. Can you believe it? But don’t worry Amrana – I have forgiven you! :D Anywho, back to the article. Here we go.

From the day that you are born, your future has already been decided for you and no, I’m not talking about the whole ‘Everything happens for a reason’, I’m talking about the ‘You’re either going to be a doctor or your either going to be a lawyer and that’s final’ talk. You see, from the minute that you have taken your first breath, your ‘we know what’s best’ parents have already planned out your future from the word ‘go’ and I’m not just talking about your career oh no!!! Some parents go to extreme lengths of proving that they know best by.... arranging your marriage. See it as being your 1st Birthday present. Let’s do a bit of role play – Lights, camera and... Action:

‘Mummy and Daddy have just saved you the trouble (for when you are older) by arranging your marriage but we of course need your approval. You know cousin Imran – Well he’s only a few weeks older than you and well, we feel that he is the perfect marriage partner for you and so have arranged your marriage. We however need your approval so give us smile if you are happy with our choice or a wee cry if you’re not. Yup! That was most defiantly a smile! Aren’t we just the greatest parents?!

Many Asian parents suffer from PRAO syndrome (Pride, Dignity and Honour) and so when it comes to the topic of education, the Asian community is usually divided. You either have the group of Asians who condemn women continuing on with further education and instead prefer to have their daughter(s) be married off at the age of 16 or you either have the group of Asians who strongly believe in the values of education and believe in forcing your child to become someone that they’re not.

I think that i can relate to the whole ‘Your either going to be a doctor or your either going to be a lawyer’ dilemma and that’s probably because i come from a family where my cousins (on my dad’s side) have all gone into Pharmacy, Optometry, Dentistry or Engineering and so when i came out with i want to Inshallah be a designer, it was like *gasp* ‘Did she just say what i think she just said?’

I strongly believe that it’s a culture ‘thing’ where certain professions are seen as being of a greater importance. I mean, as soon as someone discovers that you are i.e. a doctor, their attitude towards you automatically changes and they suddenly become your best friend but other than that, you’re considered as being, harsh as it may sound a ‘nobody’.

That brings me onto my next point. Certain subjects are seen as being a ‘softer’ option than compared to others and people automatically assume that you’re only studying those subjects because you are ‘dumb’. But have we ever considered that someone may be taking those subjects because they need it for a certain career or that they may be taking that particular subject because they are genuinely interested in it? And who are we to call someone dumb? Everyone is clever in their own way. Someone might be academically clever but then you might have someone else who may have the gift of the tongue and i personally believe that there is no point in having the brains when you have got a tongue like a snake.

We judge so easily it’s unbelievable. When someone doesn’t do well in an exam, we instantly assume that it’s because they didn’t bother to revise for it. But have we ever stopped to think that maybe, just maybe it could be because they just didn’t perform to their best ability on the day or that it just wasn’t meant to be? Off we go bad mouthing them and going on about how this person got this and that person got that when we should be instead saying to that person ‘Never mind. You have still got the opportunity of re-taking and Inshallah if it’s best for you, you shall do better second time round’

I’m now going to wrap up this article but before i do, i would like to make one final point. Education isn’t everything. Don’t get me wrong, it is most defiantly an important aspect of life but religion should always come first. If you have belief in Allah swt, everything else should Inshallah follow.

Until next time stay safe, remember me in your duas and keep smiling.

Asalamu Alaikum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuhu.

Salam All. I pray that you are in the best of health. This is just a quick post to inform you readers that i have not forgotten about you and that an article is currectly in progess and shall Inshallah be posted soon.
x

Acknowledging the Male Gender - By Alima Ali

Salam All. I pray that you are in the best of health. First of all, Ramadan Mubarak! Like many, i still cannot get over the shock that Ramadan has arrived and I’m so excited! May Allah make this blessed month easy for us and accept all our duas. Ameen.

I have got a very exciting piece of news that i would like to share with you all. For those who haven’t already seen it on my facebook page, the book cover for ‘It’s Just a Fairy Tale’ is designed and credit must be given to Ateeb. Mashallah he has done such an amazing job and I’m forever grateful. Jazakallah Khair Ateeb. I have posted the cover on my blog so if you would like to view it, then follow this link which will direct you to the blog post.
http://a-muslimahs-blog.blogspot.com/2010/08/official-book-cover-for-its-just-fairy.html

The next few paragraphs are aimed at Brother Ammar. It is evidently clear that you won our little competition fair and square so i congratulate you on that achievement. Unfortunately, you are going to have to wait quite a while for your prize but I’m sure I’ll remember a few years down the line.

Your article ‘The Great Gender Gap’ http://www.yourtwocents.co.uk/2010/the-great-gender-gap/ was quite an eye opener and in a way, i thank you for writing the article. You criticised women and were extremely sexist and i suppose that you gave me a taste of my own medicine.
There were some parts of your article where i found myself thinking ‘Oh no he didn’t just write that’ and it made me realise that some of my somewhat ‘sexist’ articles may had the same impact on yourself and on the male gender.

For that reason, I think i owe you and the male gender an apology. But first, allow me to explain myself. A majority of my readers are female and so, we in a way seek pleasure in making fun and criticising the male gender – ‘That’s the way we roll :D’. However, i suppose that shouldn’t be used as an excuse for generalising the male population and to be honest with you, you guys ain’t half bad and i say that with great difficulty. The last thing i want is for your ego to expand to the size of your big heads! :D Ok ok, I’m sorry – There was no need for that ‘insult’. I think that like with everything, you have the majority of guys who falsely represent the minority and unfortunately, that result in people like me forming an overall opinion.

I am writing an article for your website and I shall Inshallah be reading and reviewing a few of your articles. Mashallah your website is by the looks of things doing fantastically well so credit must be given. Keep up the hard work and i pray that Allah swt grants you and the other Brothers involved within the website the upmost success. Ameen.

However! Before i continue with this article, i would like to share with you a few quotations from my previous articles and I’m sure that even you Brother Ammar will agree with them:

“They come home expecting their hot meal to be all laid out on the table and they then throw off their shoes and stink up the whole house with their big fat Shrek like feet! And do you hear them asking you about your day? No! Because they are too busy going on about how many miles they drove and then complaining about how taxes have gone up. I mean, does it look as if we care?!”

“What men fail to remember is that the woman is the one who has to carry their child for 9 months and then have to grow the labour process whilst they are standing there asking you if you are ok! I mean, does she look ok???!!!!!!”

“Yes i know that a woman should respect her husband and all but i don’t know about you, but cleaning, ironing and cooking 24/7 is not respect. I tell you what respect are. Getting a frying pan and hitting him over the head with it because if he expects you to be a chef, raise 5 kids and look good all day, then I’m sorry to say but the action of the frying pan is most defiantly needed”

Ok. Now that the formalities are out of the way, allow me to resume to this article. I have already stated that a few of my articles are quite ‘sexist’ which is why i have decided to base this article on the male gender. Here we go!

1. Guys are stronger than girls. Don’t get me wrong Sisters, not all girls avoid hard work in the fear that they might break a fingernail but when it comes to the ‘hard graft’ as they call it, men do (unfortunately) come on top.

2. SOME and i repeat some of you can be quite considerate to a member of the opposite sex. It may not be much, but opening the door for a lady or saying ‘You first’ can totally change a girls opinion from ‘What a pig’ to ‘what a gentleman’

3. SOME and again i repeat some of you actually are hygienically clean. But then i suppose who have the other extreme when a guy spends hours in the bathroom straightening their hair, making sure that there is not even one crease in their shirt and of course, making sure that their facial hair is neatly cut which supposedly ‘makes them a man’

I’m going to stop there but Brother Ammar, you cannot deny that i did make an effort in ‘Acknowledging the Male Gender’

As for my Sisters out there, fear not. We have something that men shall NEVER have and that is the blessing of being able to understand a woman’s emotional needs. Something that a guy will NEVER be able to understand.

I shall now leave you with a hadith that Sister Khaleda emailed to me about the importance of treating women ‘nicely’. Until next time, stay safe, remember me in your duas and... Keep smiling!

Asalamu Alaikum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuhu.

“Narrated Abu Huraira: Allah 's Apostle said, "Treat women nicely, for a women is created from a rib, and the most curved portion of the rib is its upper portion, so, if you should try to straighten it, it will break, but if you leave it as it is, it will remain crooked. So treat women nicely." (Bukhari, 3106)”

The official book cover for 'It's Just a Fairy Tale'

Just double click on the image if you would like it to be enlarged.

Review of article 'Growing Up - Why are we so pressurised?'

Salam All. I pray that you are well. I mentioned that a few of my articles were going to be reviewed by Brother Ammar from 'TwoCents' and here is his review of my article 'Growing Up - Why are we so pressurised?' Enjoy!

Salam,

I've managed to take a look at your article entitled "Growing Up" and thought I'd give you some feedback. Before I say anything though, I just wish to remind you that I am no professional. Whether you wish to use it or not is entirely up to you. This is simply an opinion of one budding writer to another. Inshallah you will find it of some use.

I love this article. It's very sincere, heartfelt, and you deal with the facts straight-up which is good to see. Your use of rhetorical questions (Don’t you just hate it when you are asked to grow up?) and repetitive phrases (This isn’t a fantasy, this is reality. This isn’t the girl that lives down the road, this is your daughter.) is powerful and engaging to the reader, putting them on the backfoot and causing them to think about themselves.

You then go on to elaborate on a number of other topics (living in the west/peer pressure/controlling our desires/temptations) briefly but I think you missed out on not linking it to the main topic which was about being pressurised to grow up. All those topics are certainly relevant but you failed to link them to the topic, reminding the audience to stay on track. On a sidenote, I disagree with your assessment that there is no cure for Peer Pressuritis. There is and it's this. Become a non-conformist. Our faith teaches us to integrate with society but not to the extent that we loosen our principles to get there. Make friends, hang out with them, but if they try to entice you to have a drink with them, politely say no and stick to your principles. Be firm but fair. I agree this requires bravery but isn't bravery more honourable than conforming to the status quo? Anywho...

In the final paragraph, you acknowledge that you went of on a tangent (technically you didn't, my above point would clarify this). You ended it BRILLIANTLY! Good message of living life to the full, but in a halal way. Smiling is sooooo important (as muslims, we are pretty damn miserable I must admit) and be thankful for what you have. Nice way to round it off.
Hope you find this of some use, I'm intrigued that you're writing a book. Do tell me more, and if you could, please write an article for my website too. It can be about anything from fashion to media to sport to politics, as long as it is for a secular audience.

Last thing (i swear). Your latest article is LOOOONG! interesting although highly sexist. I'll give feedback another time.

Take Care

Ammar Farishta OMT

Of Boys Vs Girls, Marriage Proposals and Wedding traditions - By Alima Ali

Salam All. I pray that you are in the best of health. Many of you emailed me asking me whether i have decided to stop writing and the answer to this question is no. It’s just that i have been quite busy with work experience, writing my personal statement and also coursework and so, i have struggled to find the time to actually sit down at my laptop and write. Nevertheless, i have finally made the time to write this article and have promised myself that i am not to move until i have written and posted this article so enjoy

#
First of all, allow me to welcome a new reader, Sister Khaleda to recently got in touch with me via email after reading my article ‘Inner Beauty Or Out?’ on ‘Chill Yo Islam Yo’ and i would also like to inform you of a website called ‘YourTwo Cents’ which is a website that has been set by a group of Muslim friends and it gives writers from across the globe an opportunity showcase their articles. I emailed them a few months ago and Alhumdilillah i received a reply from them saying that they are willing to review my articles.

So Alhumdilillah life in general is great! Now, to today’s article. This article is going to be split into three different sections (refer to title). A few days ago, me and my brother and sisters decided to play a game called ‘Boys Vs Girls’ where we took turns to state the positives and negatives of being a girl and in my little brothers case (who is seven) the positives and negatives of being boy. This stirred up an idea for an article and so here i am, sharing with you some of the things that we came up.

Let me start off with stating the advantage of being a girl. Well first of all, we ‘rule’. There is no denying it and when it comes to the whole ‘Which gender is the most dominant’; we girls always come out on top. (I know I’m being sexist but hey, i was born a feminist!)

We have the option of wearing makeup which can come in great use when you are having an ‘off day’ It doesn’t only enhance our natural flaws but it also disguises those nasty little blemishes that decided to pop up the night before you are to be going to a party or wedding (or any other event where you want to look your best.

We can dress up (appropriately of course) and the ability of being able to shop around for hours comes naturally to us. We have our own personal ways of relieving our stress whether it be running a warm soapy bath or ringing up your best friend and moaning about how crap your day was before bursting into tears for no reason at all. Unlike men, we don’t see crying as an embarrassment and a sign of weakness but merely a way of releasing our selves (And there is also the other advantage which is of course turning on the waterworks when you and your partner have just had an argument – The guilt trip usually works)

We are very strong minded. Usually, we’re not afraid to speak our mind and tell our sister that the dress that she brought last week that she thought looked good is actually quite hideous.

Now to the disadvantages. Despite the positives being never ending, we like every other human have our disadvantages. One word – gossip. If we’re not gossiping about the girl who lives down the road who has just gotten engaged to someone that she met on SingleMuslim.com, then we’re chattering on about Cheryl and Cole’s marriage breakdown. Most of what we hear anyway is distorted so the truth is rarely there. And most often, you hear girls doing the well known Dot from EastEnders line: ‘You know me. I’m not one to gossip but word has it that-‘and off you go!

The main disadvantage is having to PMS every month (which don’t get me wrong, is a blessing in its own way) but when you have spent the night suffering from cramps and then wake up only to find that there is no hot chocolate left in the house, you see it as being anything but a blessing. The mood swings and the ‘all over the place’ emotions can make it even more of an uncomfortable experience. These noticeable signs automatically indicate to those around us that ‘It’s that time of the month again so if i were you, i would stay away for your own safety’.

Speaking from a Cultural POV, we don’t have the same rights and in some extreme cases, the same status as guys. We can’t stroll in at two o’clock in the morning and say in response to the question ‘where have you been?’ that we have been ‘you know, out and about innit’ (hate that word!’ Again speaking from a cultural POV, it is essential for us to know how to good a perfect three course meal as well as be able to make perfect chapattis. I’m sorry but we have Google now. One click and three seconds later and Bobs your uncle, your staring at the recipe that tells you how to make the perfect Aloo Gobi Dish and if you scroll down, your given the number of your local takeaway shop - Out with the old (Chapattis) and in with the new (Naan!!!!)

I’m not going to linger on the negative points of being a girl because all in all, we are amazingly talented in every way and we have no-one but Allah (swt) to thank. To be honest of you, I couldn’t really think of any advantages of being a guy so I’m just going to share with you the points that my little brother came up with. Apparently you are able to get away with most things which i personally disagree with. If a child has been well disciplined, then he should know where the line is and if anything, live in fear of overstepping the line.

When guys have a phone conversation, it hardly ever lasts for more than 10 minutes whereas girls have a tendency of spending 20 minutes alone saying ‘Goodbye’ Guys have more freedom and no-one hardly ever acknowledges their bad habits whereas women have to go and ‘name and shame’ someone in public.

Let me give you an example. I have got a bad habit of biting my nails but Alhumdilillah have cut down a lot (when i put it like that, it sounds almost ridiculous) Anyway, my grandma absolutely HATES me biting my nails and once i was at a wedding, and in front of EVERYONE, she goes to me in my own language ‘Are you Hungry’ and everyone began to laugh. Talk about embarrassment!

Anyway back to the positives. A guy only has to say one word to have his mum come running and that one word is ‘Mummy’ Thank God that’s not allowed in my household but in many cases, a guy is usually a ‘Mummy’s Boy’

Let me quickly state the disadvantages of being a guy. Well firstly many guys have no hygiene factors what’s so ever! And i really do see that as being a disadvantage. I mean, if a guy can’t make his bed and clean his room then seriously, what is his purpose in this world? (Metaphorically speaking of course)

Guys have no sensitive side. It’s like as if they don’t know how to cry. Can you imagine a guy going to a funeral just standing there, kicking the gravel with his feet whilst looking at his watch? What a way to pay your respects. And finally, they are hardly ever there when you need them. When you have just come in with the shopping or when you can’t open the jam jar, they never seem to be around.

To conclude the first part of the article, i believe that both genders are important in their own way. W are all unique in our own way and Alhumdilillah we are so blessed. Both genders need one another and despite frequently stereotyping guys, there are guys out there who are clean and treat girls with respect and have manners. And there are girls out there who don’t gossip as much as Dot Cotton or shop till they drop. We all have our flaws but hey, that’s what makes us human.

In the second part of this article, i am going to be discussing Marriage Proposals. This section is going to be quite short. I know someone in particular who gets VERY offended as soon as someone indicates a marriage proposal in anyway whether it be in a jokey way or whether it be indirectly. Both ways, she gets quite hyped up and yup, she is the same age as me. I rather not name her as she is probably cringing with embarrassment while reading this.

I can understand why she gets quite worked up about. I mean, not everyone wants to marry at such a young age – That most certainly ain’t an option for me and as for my friend, it’s an option that she will NEVER consider but what i have learnt is that if some-one does ask for ones hand in marriage at the age of 16, 17 or 18, it doesn’t necessarily mean that they want to get married there and then. It could be that they just want to get engaged and not have the actual wedding until the girl is of a more suitable age.

And plus, if someone did come and ask for your hand in marriage, wouldn’t you be.... honoured? I mean, it’s not every day that someone comes and asks you to marry them. Nevertheless, she is quite opinionated and at times stubborn but also an amazing person. She knows who she is. Hmmm..... I best end this section of the article here as I’m getting the feeling that if i continue on, i really would be ‘dead’ (Metaphorically speaking.... i think)

Wedding Traditions. I think i have briefly covered this issue in a previous article as i am having a ‘Déjà Vu’ moment but nevertheless, I’ll cover it again: D Weddings are quite obviously a special occasion and some people go to extreme lengths to mark this special day. You know what I’m talking about? The limousines, the DJ, etc. But the one thing that really makes me laugh and at times, is the traditions.

Let me name a few. The first and most obvious one being the whole ‘putting oil in the grooms head and putting mendhi (henna) on a tissue that the bride is holding’ I’m sorry but what is that exactly meant to signify?

A most recent (modern) tradition is dedicating songs to the bride and groom. I have seen this at several weddings and i personally find this humiliating. And the DJ doesn’t stop there. At the most recent wedding that i went to, the DJ was doing a shout out to the Brides grandma because it was her birthday. Every five seconds ‘Put your hands together for the newly weds – Everybody give a massive shout out to Granny... she has just turned 100 today!’ I really don’t think that the grandma would appreciate the DJ sharing her age with the ‘whole generation’
Another tradition is having massive plasma screens that show... wait for it... baby pictures of the bride and groom. Who comes up with these ridiculous ideas? Why would the bride and groom want to be humiliated on the one day that they are meant to remember for the rest of their lives? At this rate, they’ll be remembering the day all for the wrong reasons.

I can think of many more ridiculous and humiliating traditions but I’m going to stop here as i have just realised that i have reached the fourth page of this word document making this officially my longest article. I wanted to make it up to all you guys for not posting an article and i hope that you enjoyed reading this one.

I wish you all well and Until next time, stay safe, enjoy the summer holidays, remember me in your duas and... Keep smiling! Its charity!

Asalamu Alaikum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuhu.

Newly Weds.... Now what? - By Alima Ali

Salam. I pray that you are in the best of health. First of all, allow me to apologize for the major delay in this article. I have been meaning to write another article but finding the time has been more difficult that i expected it to be and what with balancing out writing my book as well as writing for my mosque, it has been quite intense. Nevertheless, i have Alhumdilillah gotten round to writing this article and I’m near the end of completing Chapter 4 of ‘It’s just a fairy tale’

I received quite a few comments about my last article ‘The Muslim Romeo and Juliet’. Many of you found the video clip to be quite misleading and some of you misinterpreted the meaning of the video. Nevertheless, i feel that the message that was been put across was evidently clear and not in any way insulting. If you have missed any of my previous articles or would like to re-read them, then they can be found at my blog: http://www.a-muslimahs-blog.blogspot.com/

I would like to thank you all for your support and patience. None of this would have been possible without the readers so once again, thank you!

Now, back to the article. My last few articles have covered the topic of ‘Marriage’ and after reading over a few of them, i realised that i have always discussed marriage from a positive POV which is only one part of the picture. The commitment of marriage does come with its ups and downs which is why in this article, i am going to be focusing on the problems occurred in marriage.

Newly Weds – Aren’t they so adorable? But have you ever wondered how long it is before the ‘I love you’ turns to the ‘i hate you’?

Let me give you an example of a ‘love’ turning into ‘hate’ scenario. A newlywed couple have been married for a few weeks now and everything is going well. By the looks of things, neither of them can do wrong but all that changes when they have their very FIRST argument *gasp*

The woman/wife is doing the shouting, name calling etc and the man/husband is doing the whole ‘Why are you overreacting for? What is your problem’ speech. A few weeks later when they are back to enjoying married life, the wife decides to bring up that same argument and begins to recall all the hurtful things that her husband had said and he is just standing there with a confused.com look on his face because to him, the choice is not clear. He is trying to remember what he had said which angers the wife even more because she expects him to remember the hurtful things that he had said to her but he’s a man so what do you expect?

You see, as much as we hate to admit it, the woman is usually the sentimental and sensitive one within the relationship and this is because we have Alhumdilillah (unlike most guys out there) got a softer and more meaningful side to us and so, the littlest things said within an argument will never be forgotten. Unfortunately for the guy, all the hurtful things that he had said 5 years ago will be torment him for the rest of his life because what men fail to remember is that the girl will never forget.

The way a girl communicates with her ‘girlfriends’ is totally different to the way a guy communicates with his ‘bedrins’ A guy can have an argument with one of his friends but within a matter of minutes, all will be forgotten. However, when a girl has an argument with one of her friends, their friendship whole friendship is affected.

That is why communication plays such an important role within a marriage. The guy should be able to respect his wife’s feminine side and try and understand that she is... ‘not one of the guys’ as Baba Ali puts it. And the wife should try and understand that her and husband are not glued to the hip and that there will be times where he would want to spend some time with his mates doing ‘guy’ stuff.

So many relationships end up in divorce due to both spouses not being able to respect one another’s personal space. Everyone makes mistakes and no-one is perfect. This point is directly aimed at women of today – Instead of arguing with your partner about what he hasn’t done, try and instead acknowledge all his positive points.

It’s time for me to wrap up this article and once again, i apologize for the delay. A few of you emailed me asking me whether the book that i am currently writing ‘It’s just a Fairy Tale’ is going to be published. In answer to this question, Inshallah yes. However, it first needs to be written which is taking quite a while but nevertheless, it is coming along nicely. Despite it taking so long, i am Alhumdilillah pleased with what i have written so far and I’d rather write at my pace than rush the whole book.

Until next time stay safe, remember me in your duas and... keep smiling!!

Asalamu Alaikum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuhu.

The Muslim Romeo and Juliet - By Alima Ali

Salam. I pray that you are all in the best of health. Before i go ahead and explain the title of this article, I’d first like to talk a little bit about my previous article which was ‘Muslim girls are the worst’. Now, i had this conversation with a few family members, some of which who wear the headscarf and some of which who don’t. Anywho, it was something that my mother said that made me think. She goes ‘At the end of the day, we don’t wear the headscarf for anyone - We wear it for our creator so the opinions of others should not affect us as we are who we are. As with everything, you will always have a small group of people that will negatively represent others. All we can do is pray that Allah swt guides the wrong does onto the right path. Ameen’ – And i second that. Unfortunately, we live in a society where we are judged by our appearance and our actions and when the two are combined, the end result is usually equals a negative view of Muslims. You would think that what with everything that has happened with the 9/11 and the London Underground bombings, as Muslims, we would be wanting be to prove the Non-Muslims and the media wrong because at the moment, they see us as being violent and aggressive individuals. But what do we go and do? We go and burn the Pakistani flag. What good does that do? And as for respecting our religion, what do we go and do? We go and falsely wear the headscarf and then tell a pack of lies before going out and meeting someone in the park. I do apologize for using the term ‘we’ as like i have already said, it is a majority of Muslims who end up falsely representing others.

Earlier on today i was going through my previous articles and realised that this is my twentieth article. *shocked face* I celebrated with a slice of chocolate cake and an iced glad of Pepsi. I would like to thank every single person who has read one or several of my articles. And of course, a whole load of thanks goes to Allah swt as none of this would have been possible without him. Subhanallah!

I had a fair idea as to what i wanted to base this article on, so i hopped onto Google and conducted a bit of research, Much to my surprise, i came across an organisation called ‘Muslim Youth’ which is basically an Islamic version of Childline that is directly aimed at Muslim teenagers. I browsed their website and i came across a video called ‘Rami & Jamilah – The Muslim Romeo and Juliet’ (Yes i stole the title of the video for my article) The title of the video says it all. The video was made by students and i defiantly suggest that you stop reading this article and instead first watch the video. This is the link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LsOZSwNF2vA&playnext_from=TL&videos=qSu9g0H_v2g

I don’t know about you but the video really affected me (in a positive way) and i don’t know why which is why i have decided to write an article about it. I have just recently finished reading the play Romeo and Juliet for the second time and credit has to be given to William Shakespeare for writing such a heartbreaking but yet captivating love ‘story’

I have always hated Asian films. The outburst of songs every five seconds usually gave me a headache and the story lines are all so similar but after watching ‘Kal Ho Naa Ho’ and reading a romantic book based on a Muslim couple (the book is called Hijaab Waali ) my view changed and ever since, i have become hooked on the whole ‘Muslim Love Story’ theme. I haven’t gone as far as believing that one day i shall meet a beast who is secretly a Prince or a frog who when kissed, will magically transform into a price but i do believe in ‘Happy Ever After’ and i don’t see no reason as to why every girl shouldn’t have her happy ending – Her Islamic Happy Ever After.

However, many people get confused between lust and love and it is because of this confusion that you hear girls of 12, 13 or even 14 years of age saying ‘But I love him’ where ‘him’ happens to be some stranger who they have only known for a few days.

Do you believe in love at first sight? I asked this question to a friend of mine and this was her response:

“I think getting to know the person makes a big difference. They may look good, but, how do you know if they even speak English? They may have bad hobbits that you can’t stand?’

And i do to a certain extent agree which is kind of confusing because i believe that Romeo and Juliet is such a romantic play in many different ways, but they end up getting married within days of meeting. They married without their families knowing (which is part of the plot) So if that is the case, did Shakespeare believe in love at first sight?

I find it quite amusing how the older Asian generation don’t believe in ‘Love marriages’ and believe in the one principle – That ‘Love grows within the marriage’ which is 100% true but i think that they don’t believe in love marriages because back in ‘their day’ they weren’t even given the opportunity of finding their own possible spouse. Muslim dating sites didn’t even exist and even Shaadi.com was non-existent. As for Muslim Speed Dating, well let’s just say no comment. Their main option was marrying within the family i.e. their cousins who weren’t exactly their ideal marriage partner but what could they do? Which is why many Asians (mainly the older generation) don’t believe in love marriages and have their doubt which is understandable. Well that it my theory!

I’m going to wrap up this article but before i do, I’d like to say one last thing. Only Allah swt knows who is compatible for who and with his and your family’s blessing will a marriage Inshallah be successful. I am currently looking for guest writers so if you are interested, then drop me an email. You can write about almost anything and everything – Let your imagination run wild. Until next time, stay safe, remember me in your duas and... Keep smiling!
Asalamu Alaikum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuhu.

Please beware – The following content of this article may cause your view on vampires to be permanently alerted – By Guest Writer

Salam All. I pray that you are in the best of health. This article has been written by guest writer ‘Anonymous Student’ who also wrote the article ‘Religion Vs Faith’ This article may not be an Islamic one but i most defiantly believe that it is a good read. When she told me that she was going to write an article about the existence of vampires, by initial reaction was ‘o.kkkkkk’. Zobia (Anonymous Student) is a good friend of mine from sixth form and when she decided to share her ‘deep dark secret’ of believing in the existence of vampires, i couldn’t help but roll with laughter but the weird part was that she wasn’t joking around – She was ‘dead’ serious. Get it? Dead? Serious? Never mind.

In response to you question Zobia, unfortunately no, you have not changed my view on vampires. I got to admit that there were certain parts of your article that had me laughing for a good five minutes or so all for the wrong reasons. Nevertheless, credit to you for trying. I actually learnt a lot from this article and i wouldn’t be sharing it with you all if i didn’t think that you would be to.

I shall leave you now so until next time, stay safe, remember me in you duas and... keep smiling!

Asalamu Alaikum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuhu.

Salam again. My name is Zobia and this is my second article which is based on a completely different topic . I hope that you enjoy reading it and thanks goes to Alima for agreeing to publish my article. I hope that it has opens up her eyes too lol.

Vampires. Are they real? What do you think? People don’t believe in their existence so let me warn you now - The following content may cause your view on vampires to be permanently alerted. Read on, if you can...

First of all, allow me to clarify what a vampire actually is:
• They feed on blood

And, erm.., yeah, that’s about it. I now that there’s a billion other things they can apparently do like, be immortal, have telepathic powers, fly, have their veins pop out every time they feed, and so on and so on...But that’s all in the fantasy world, you know, on TV. If you’ve watched the vampire dairies, you’ll know what I’m on about (or any other kind of vampire films or programmes). And for the rest of you, I’m pretty sure you’ve heard freaky descriptions of about vampires possibly from friends and surrounding gossip.

Anyways, I believe that vampires do exist. Ok, steady on, no need to think “what a weirdo”. I have my reasons. Now, I’m not talking about the heroic type ones like the ones we see on TV, that’s far beyond reality and believing in that would be quite naive. But vampires do feed on blood and I know that there are people out there, out of their minds really, who do that. I can share a personal experience for example on our road once, there was a guy who bit a woman’s ear off and did a runner just after. However, someone sow him and thank God that they did or God knows what else he would have fed on. Now that most defiantly fits the description of a vampire. Brace your selves for the next bit.

A guy called mark Lawson, 40years old was admitted at Chadwick lodge hospital in Milton Keynes because he suffered from mental health. He asked to be taken to a swimming pool that was on the same premises as the hospital. He was taken there to swim but it was also an easy escape route because there was a cross road nearby. And obviously he took the opportunity to do a runner.

The first thing he did when he was out was that broke into an old woman’s house (his grandmother) and he then beat her up mainly in the head and then...drained her of her blood from the deep wounds. The police were on the scene and tried to get Mark out of the house but he was armed and the police feared for their own safety as well as the safety of the public. When the police gained access to the house, they started throwing up and broke down into tears upon seeing the woman drained of her blood. Now, what would you call this guy apart from a blood drinking mental psychopath? Perhaps a vampire?

Another thing I would like you to know is a psychiatric disorder called the Renfields syndrome that makes people want to drink their own blood. It doesn’t stop there though. This syndrome even tempts them to go to the butchers and feed on animals meat. So basically they are compelled to drink blood. Now, although it a mental condition, this can be vampirism or cannibalism. People who suffer from this syndrome go through three stages, the third which is very extreme.

“In the third stage, true vampirism, the sufferer's attention is turned to other human beings. He may steal blood from hospitals or blood banks, or drink blood directly from a living person. Some people with Renfield's Syndrome commit violent crimes, including murder, after entering this stage.”

Believe it or not this is all true. I know that it’s a lot to take in but hey, they say that you learn something new every day but the existence of vampires has always been there – I suppose that you just chose to ignore it? Nevertheless, you are all fully informed and i would like to thank you all for reading my article. What I have included in this article is probably only a millionth of what is available out there. So much information about vampires is available and i can only pray that you don’t go away thinking that i am off my rocker.

All my friends have been trying to convince me that vampires aren’t real but I have always been full of determination to prove them wrong. I hope that i have accomplished that! I am open to all opinions and questions and all comments are welcomed.

Until next time, take care. If you ever have an encounter with a vampire and are unsure as to what to do, then check out this site (http://vampirewebsite.net/). It has all the information you need to know about vampires...good luck! (And let me know if you come across one!)

I haven’t included the actual news articles I found became they were too long. I instead briefly talked about them in this article but if you would like to do some extra reading, then check out the following links:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-460801/Blood-drinking-mental-patient-takes-grandmother-hostage-escaping-swimming-trip.html

http://www.wisegeek.com/what-is-renfields-syndrome.htm

Phew, that was a long article, sorry if it bored you, although it is a hot topic to chat about.