Top 5 tips on how to survive in a mixed college - By Alima Ali

Salam Everyone! How are we all doing? I pray that you’re in the best of health. The topic for this article was suggested by a fellow reader so i hope that you enjoy reading it and find it of some use.

I would first like to share with you a film that i have just recently watched entitled ‘Arranged’ It is a film that is basically based on two female teachers – One is a Muslim and the other is Jew and they are totally opposite to one another. The conflicts between the two religions makes their friendship an unlikely one but what they soon find out is that they have one big thing in common – Both their families want them to have an arranged family. It has everything – romance, a bit of comedy, a great story and most importantly a happy ending.

In regard to my previous article ‘Do love marriages exist’, i received some feedback from brother Ateeb. For those who have forgotten who he is, he designed my book cover  Anywho, i was quite astonished at his astonishment about the concept of arranged marriages and it was only till then did i realise how members of the opposite gender are almost shadowed away from the whole concept. Nevertheless, his comments were an eye opener and have given me some ideas for future articles so Jazakallah Khair Ateeb for your feedback.

Now back to the article. Alhumdilillah, i was fortunate enough to go to an all girls secondary school and i was warned by many people about how it would not only be a big jump from gcses to A levels, but also a big jump from being in a single sex environment to a mixed environment – What a big jump it was! There are about 100-120 students within the sixth form, 30 of which are male so it ain’t a properly mixed environment. Nevertheless, from day1, i noticed there being a massive change in the girl’s behaviour when a guy was around and it did take some time getting used to. Alhumdilillah, all is well and i live to write this guide on ‘How to survive in a mixed college’ so, here we go!

Tip Number 1: - You may have never seen one before, but that specie that you’re so curious of is a member of the opposite gender. There is a name for that sort of person – A guy. It’s utterly amazing how a female acts so differently when a guy is present. They suddenly go all giggly and the famous twirling of the hair appears out of no-where. You can imagine the sort of conversation that would take place if a guy approached this sort of girl and asked her if she knew what the Chemistry homework was. Lights...camera.... It’s time for role play!

Guy: Hey, you’re in my Chem class right?
*looks around her*
Girl: Who me?
Guy: Erm yh.... I just wanted to ask you whether you wrote down the homework.
*Girl begins to panic and grabs her bag which falls to the floor. She picks up the bag and looks for her planner only to realise that she has left it at home*
Girl: Where is it? Why am i such an idiot for?
Guy: Chillax. If you ain’t got it then don’t sweat. It’s all good.
*Guy begins to walk away to ask someone else*
Girl: NO! IT WAS..... I’M SURE THAT IT WAS..... WELL..... I’M NOT SURE WHAT THE HOMEWORK WAS BUT I’LL FIND OUT FOR YOU AND THEN LET YOU KNOW AND WE CAN DO IT TOGETHER IN THE LIBRARY – JUST THE TWO OF US AND-‘ *girl is talking in a rushed high pitched voice*

You get the picture. So tip number one is to just be yourself. And if you can’t do that, then try not to make it too obvious to the opposite gender that you are losing all sense of normality because of their presence.

Tip Number 2:- We have established that he is a guy and that you are a girl so talking = okies. But what’s up with the whole hugging business? And how can i forget the famous ‘He’s like a brother to me’ line.

The line has to be drawn somewhere and I’m assuming right about now. I think that what many people fail to remember is that guys and girls are totally different. There are some things that a girl does with her female friends that she cannot do with her male friends for example, she can’t ring up one of her male friends in the early hours of the morning complaining about stomach cramps because mostly likely he’ll turn around and say ‘well what do you want me to do about it?’. This point can be argued but guys aren’t that sensitive and for those who are, they don’t like to show it. I’m assuming it’s a man’s thing. You don’t need to be a genius to figure out that physical interaction between a guy and girl is forbidden in Islam. If you didn’t already know this, you know it now.

I have lost count at the number of times that i have heard the ‘He’s like a brother to me’ line. Don’t get me wrong, that can be the case but for many, it’s just an excuse. And what happens when you develop feelings towards your ‘so called brother’? So, tip number two is to try and avoid physical interaction. Simple... right? No. There may be times where you may have to shake a guys/girls hand. If this is the case, make sure that you’re only shaking the hand and not caressing it or something. Stupid as it may sound, it does happen.

Tip Number 3:- Leaving a lasting impression can be a good thing but surely you want to leave a positive impression?
I’m going to put it to you straight. If you’re walking around wearing clothes that are so tight it looks like as if they have been painted onto you, then surely you’re going to receive unwanted attention from the opposite gender. I can so easily put the blame onto the male gender and go on about Zina of the eyes, but to be fair, if your body is on display like a wax work, then what choice do they have? Yes they can so easily turn away but what are the chances of that actually happening?

And guys, we don’t want to see your boxers so for pity sake, pull up your trousers and invest in a belt! Trust me, on a Monday morning, the last thing that us females want to see is a pair of boxers staring us right in the face. It’s a rather unpleasant sight.
So, tip number three is to cover up and dress modestly because at the end of the day, you’re going to be held accountable.

Tip Number 4:- Dignity. Every heard of the word? We all like to have a laugh now and again but some people take it a step too far and it eventually reaches the point where they are simply making a fool of themselves. No-one likes to be put down so why do it to yourself? Tip number four is to know when to draw the line. As Muslims, we are encouraged to act in a certain way and if some-one is taking it a step too far, just quietly pull them onto one side and explain to them that they need to calm down.

And finally tip Number 5:- Simply be yourself! If there is anything that i have learnt in the last seventeen years of my life, it is to just be yourself. Just because you are in a mixed environment, it doesn’t mean that you should change your character in order to suit others. If they don’t like you for who you are then tough! It’s their loss. There are so many girls out there who change themselves for a member of the opposite gender and to be frank, that’s rather sad. Be yourself and you can’t go wrong!

And that is the end of the article. My next article shall be based on the portrayal of Muslims in the media and in the article after that, i shall be discussing whether women in Islam are allowed to work. Until next time, stay safe, remember me in your duas and keep smiling!
Asalamu Alaikum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuhu.
Alima