Miss Perfect: Does she exist? – Countdown 10 - 1 - By Alima Ali

Salam All. I pay that you are in the best of health. I am writing this article in response to a comment that i received regarding my article ‘Mr Perfect: Does he exist?’ where ‘Sharinghitman’ goes: ‘eerrr... MISS PERFECT. DOES SHE EXIST?’ It is because of this comment that i have decided write this article. However, before i go ahead with the countdown, there are a few videos that i would like to share with you.
The first two videos are just so just so inspirational – That’s all that I’m going to say because i want you to watch the videos for yourself. They are a real eye opener and have such a positive impact. Subhanallah!

Link One: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r0avuvShIbI&feature=player_embedded

Link Two: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V4axp5V_j6E

I shall be sharing the third video with you a bit later on in this article. I have been bombarded with several article suggestions and I’m currently making my way through each suggestion. One of the suggestion was to write an article about ‘one of the most powerful and influential series of videos that you’ll ever see on the internet’ That’s right. I’m talking about The Arrivals. I’m going to admit that i am quite apprehensive about writing an article about ‘The Arrivals’ mainly because i have not seen the full series myself – I have only seen clips and so, i believe that before i am to write an article about it, i must first watch it and understand it so that article is currently on hold.

As well as the suggestions, i have been received quite a few emails from fellow Brothers and Sisters asking me ‘what inspired you to write?’ Well, let me tell you. The person or should i say people that influenced me and transformed me into becoming a keen reader and eventually writer has to be my various English teachers, all of which taught me something different. But in all honesty, it wasn’t until i first met Amrana before i began to seriously think about the different ways in one can present a message to the younger generation whether it be in the form of a video or an article.

I always admired the way she was able to so easily grasp ones attention and it wasn’t until i had stepped into the ‘Big bad world’ that i realised just how negatively the younger generation were being portrayed and it was at this moment in time that i turned my attention to writing articles. So Amrana, thank you. Thank you for being such a positive role model and a brilliant Ustada, friend and Sister. I hope that one day i will be look back and be able to proudly say ‘I know her’
I would like to make one thing clear before i continue on with this article. In my previous article ‘Does my Bum look big in this’ i did include a link to a Google image of Kim Kardashians rear end and now that i think about it, it was wrong of me to do so. I did not in any way intend to commit Zina and i do apologize. It would have made more sense for me to have shown you a cartoon instead so sorry!

Now, back to this article. I am going to ATTEMPT to think like a guy and identify, from a male POV what they may be looking for in a marriage spouse. I think that we have such high expectations from the opposite gender and so, we end up thinking ‘There is no-one out there for me to marry’ *Sighs*

Every girl wants a husband who is a millionaire, who has an IQ of 180, a mansion with a swimming pool, and also a Villa in Spain. I’m assuming that every guy wants a wife who is as skinny as a stick (I hope that your view has changed since reading the ‘Does my Bum look big in this?’ article) A woman who can cook, clean, raise 5 kids and be able to be there for them at their every need.

And you’re wondering why you can’t find a spouse? Maybe its what you’re looking for in a marriage partner rather than where you’re looking. Many females who are looking for a marriage partner are almost 100% certain as to what they think a guy looks for in a marriage partner: Best Friend, Soul mate etc. These are o/k but they aren’t really qualities so, prepare yourself as i go though the ‘Top ten traits that a Muslim man MAY look for in a possible marriage partner’

10) Humour. If a Brother has met his almost Miss Perfect spouse, then he would expect her to have a funny side. I mean, this is big – This person could potentially be the person that you’re going to be spending the rest of your life with so you can imagine how grim the relationship may be if your wife doesn’t know how to laugh. On a serious note, if she doesn’t prove to be ‘the one’ because she doesn’t have the ‘funny’ gene, then she may want to pay a visit to her local doctor. He/She could provide her with some professional help....
Then again, no guy would want a wife who laughs like a hyena at every little thing that he says just for the sake of it. That would be awkward and the husband will be left thinking ‘Exactly who or what have i married?’

9) Compliments. I have in many of my previous articles talked about how a man’s ego is his pride and glory so for a woman to give him the occasional pat on the back can be quite encouraging. It is a motivating factor that a guy relies on and so, i believe that it is a quality that a guy may be looking for in a spouse. This may sound quite offensive but i am in no way trying to offend the male population. I’m merely trying to make a point. A guy is similar to.... a dog? They do all the tricks and then come running to you for a dog biscuit, a pat on the back and the whole ‘Who’s a good boy’ speech. Nevertheless, they do say that ‘A dog is a man’s best friend’ so take it as a compliment...

8) Understanding. We all know that men and women are COMPLETLY different to one another and we can just about understand ourselves, let alone someone who is of the opposite gender. Mashallah the way that our minds work is just amazing. However, there are times when a male and female struggle to understand one another and this can be pretty frustrating. For example, a woman may struggle to understand why a guy must yell at the television scream every time their favourite team scores – A guy may struggle to understand why a woman insists that she needs to go on a shopping spree when she went just the other day.

From a guy POV, a woman can be quite ‘pushy’ and demanding so instead of having a nagging partner, they would like a wife who is patient and at least a little understanding. As soon as a woman tells her husband ‘You need to this’ and ‘You need to do that’, he automatically switches off because he can’t handle the pressure. This is why i believe that a guy would like a wife who knows when to ‘drop it’. This should bring the two together and allow them to open up to one another therefore increasing their levels of communication.

7) The little things. They say that ‘It’s the littlest things that count’. Unlike girls, a guy doesn’t really like to be ‘showered in gifts’ but that’s not to say that he doesn’t like to be appreciated. You don’t have to turn into ‘Superwoman’ but i believe that a guy will be looking out for a woman who is able to identify his individual needs (Girls, he should do the same for you).

6) Individuality. They say that ‘Every person is unique in their own way’ and i believe that it is a woman’s unique character that makes her the great person that she is. Speaking as a Muslimah, i understand just how girls are affected by the peer pressure of looking like the women that she sees on the billboards or on the magazine covers. Personally, i believe that a guy may be more attracted and geared towards marrying a woman who stands out from the crowd – Who ain’t like all the other girls and instead, is different (in a good way)

5) Appearance. I ranked this ‘quality’ at number five mainly because i was unsure as to where else to place it in the countdown and so decided to play it safe by placing it at number five. Statistics show that a woman’s smile is the most attractive physical feature (Read it in the Daily Mail) The more a woman smiles, the more confident a guy becomes in believing that this woman has a great personality (and also that she knows how to take a joke)

For some guys, appearance is a very important factor – For some, it ain’t that much of an issue. Like they say, ‘Its what’s on the inside that matters’ but hey, that’s just my opinion. I think that when it comes to appearance, different guys have different views and opinions so i think that I’ll leave it as that.

4) Personality. This is a factor that interests both genders. They say that ‘Opposites attract’ but this is not always the case. I think that it depends on the person in question. Whether the woman is the total opposite to you or whether you both have a lot in common is important to a certain extent but i think that what a Brother is really looking for when looking for a wife is someone whose personality is able to shine through. Someone who’s personality is able to reflect their inner beauty and also someone who they are able to have a good old laugh with. (Cheesy – I know!)

3) Good Listener. We all like to have a good moan and i think that this is something that the female population in particular are very good at. However, i have noticed that us girls have our closet fiends on speed dial (for emergency purposes) and it is them who we turn to for advice, support and a shoulder to lean on. That is all expected but i think that at times, a guy would like his wife to turn to him for all those things. I know that it won’t be the same as if you were moaning to your friend but hey, it’s worth a try ain’t it? I think that the guy would in turn like the same treatment. Instead of turning to one of his mates, i think that time to time he’ll like to turn to his wife for emotional support. Someone who would shut up and listen to him and not interrupt – at least not until he is finished that is.

2) Love. I think that this is something that every girl and many guys dream about. I know that a girl dreams of being loved for who she is, but the more i think about it, the more i begin to think that many guys would like to, in turn receive the same ‘loving’. Unlike girls though, guys don’t usually admit to such a thing – I’m assuming that it’s a guy thing? Nevertheless, i believe that it is an important factor that keeps a relationship together.

I have finally arrived at the ‘Big one!’. Can i have a drum roll please? *drum roll*
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1) Trust. Your entire marriage is built upon trust. All the other factors that i have mentioned in the countdown also help to hold a relationship together but trust is the main component. Whether it be trusting your partner to be there for you in your time or need or whether it be trusting your partner to pick up the kids on time, it is the lack of trust that can easily destroy a marriage and i believe that this is a factor that a guy is most scared of – Allow me to explain why. Whether you read it in a newspaper or in a magazine, you are bound to find at least one story about a woman who has just found out that her husband has been cheating on her with another woman or an article about a woman who committed suicide due to not being able to cope with her husbands lies.

In the relationship, it is the husband who has to be the ‘responsible’ one of making sure that he is able to support his family etc. He has so much pressure on his two shoulders (as do women) and he has been trusted by his wife to stand by her and make sure that the decision that he makes are the right ones. In a way, trust and decision making go hand in hand.

Once there is trust within a relationship, the foundation is built but this foundation can easily be broken. It takes a long time to trust someone but that trust can be gone within a matter of seconds. No pressure then.

And that is the end of the countdown! I do apologize about the delay and my only excuse is the lack of time. Despite this being my thirtieth article, i have decided to slow down a bit. I return to sixth form in a few days and i know that i won’t have enough time to write weekly articles. Many of you are probably aware of just how difficult it is becoming to get into university which is why this year is a crucial one for me. I shall still be writing, just not as often – Probably one article every two months.

The ‘Ask Alima’ service shall still be going and the book ‘It’s just a Fairy Tale’ is still in its proof reading stage. I do feel quite sad about having to come to a halt with the writing but i know that it’s something that i have to do. I’d like to thank each and every one of you for your support!
‘A Muslimah’s Blog’ group can be found on facebook so i would appreciate it if you would search, join and recommend. I promised you that i would leave you with a video and here it is. It is a mini Baba Ali production about how culture has negatively affected the whole ‘marriage proposal’ process.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=He2WVaxSYcw

Once again, Jazakallah Khair! Please, take care of yourself, remember the Ummah in your duas and keep smiling! Its charity!

Asalamu Alaikum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuhu.

‘Do you still want to be perfect?’ By guest writer

Salam All. I pray that you are in the best of health. A friend of mine emailed me asking whether i could possibly publish a short writing piece that she had written about body image. Mashallah she did such a brilliant job and i hope that you read it, understand it and most of all, benefit from it. Until next time my fellow Brothers and Sisters, take care, stay safe, remember me in your duas and keep smiling.
Asalamu Alaikum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuhu.

Are there times when you look in the mirror and think to yourself ‘I’m not pretty’? Images of models flash before your very eyes - We turn towards the media and dream of being perfect. In this article, i would like to uncover the true meaning of beauty.

They say that confidence comes naturally but this isn’t entirely true. I was a person who suffered from self confidence and longed for the ‘gift’ of being able to click my fingers and if my magic, be perfect. However, i wanted this all for the wrong reasons. I wanted to make myself perfect, but perfect for the wrong reasons.

And from months of battling this I think I am now able to reach out to other people Inshallah. I'm sure many of us may have been down that road or know someone who has.

Firstly, prettiness is temporal and beauty is eternal. Our beauty remains forever and it is reflected in many dimensions. Prettiness is temporal; it comes and goes. We want to be perfected and retouched like the fake girls we see on the pages of vogue magazine but no matter how hard you try, you will always be you but there is nothing wrong with that.

I would like to say that by questioning our beauty, we are in actual fact pushing away our original beauty. By questioning our beauty, we are also questioning God and asking him ‘Why hasn’t he made me beautiful?’

Next time you think this, look in the mirror and remind yourself that you are beautiful in your own way. Think about what you have got rather than what you haven’t. Get a pen and paper and list at least 10 good things about yourself. Go on. You’ve got nothing to lose!