Review of article 'Growing Up - Why are we so pressurised?'

Salam All. I pray that you are well. I mentioned that a few of my articles were going to be reviewed by Brother Ammar from 'TwoCents' and here is his review of my article 'Growing Up - Why are we so pressurised?' Enjoy!

Salam,

I've managed to take a look at your article entitled "Growing Up" and thought I'd give you some feedback. Before I say anything though, I just wish to remind you that I am no professional. Whether you wish to use it or not is entirely up to you. This is simply an opinion of one budding writer to another. Inshallah you will find it of some use.

I love this article. It's very sincere, heartfelt, and you deal with the facts straight-up which is good to see. Your use of rhetorical questions (Don’t you just hate it when you are asked to grow up?) and repetitive phrases (This isn’t a fantasy, this is reality. This isn’t the girl that lives down the road, this is your daughter.) is powerful and engaging to the reader, putting them on the backfoot and causing them to think about themselves.

You then go on to elaborate on a number of other topics (living in the west/peer pressure/controlling our desires/temptations) briefly but I think you missed out on not linking it to the main topic which was about being pressurised to grow up. All those topics are certainly relevant but you failed to link them to the topic, reminding the audience to stay on track. On a sidenote, I disagree with your assessment that there is no cure for Peer Pressuritis. There is and it's this. Become a non-conformist. Our faith teaches us to integrate with society but not to the extent that we loosen our principles to get there. Make friends, hang out with them, but if they try to entice you to have a drink with them, politely say no and stick to your principles. Be firm but fair. I agree this requires bravery but isn't bravery more honourable than conforming to the status quo? Anywho...

In the final paragraph, you acknowledge that you went of on a tangent (technically you didn't, my above point would clarify this). You ended it BRILLIANTLY! Good message of living life to the full, but in a halal way. Smiling is sooooo important (as muslims, we are pretty damn miserable I must admit) and be thankful for what you have. Nice way to round it off.
Hope you find this of some use, I'm intrigued that you're writing a book. Do tell me more, and if you could, please write an article for my website too. It can be about anything from fashion to media to sport to politics, as long as it is for a secular audience.

Last thing (i swear). Your latest article is LOOOONG! interesting although highly sexist. I'll give feedback another time.

Take Care

Ammar Farishta OMT