Who made me Judge Judy? – A reflective article By Alima Ali

Salaam All. I pray that you’re in the best of health. Wow! It really has been a while – so long that I actually had to check the publish date of my last article Which was on the 9th September 2011 to see exactly how long it has been – eight months to be exact. It’s safe to say that this article is most definitely over due.

 A lot has happened over the long period of eight months. I started and have now Alhamdulillah finished my first year at university. I passed my driving and now own a driving license although not much can be said about my license picture. Let’s just say that the picture was taken when I was having a pretty rough day….. I must have looked pretty bad as the driving examiner studied my picture for a good 5 minutes before saying ‘No way that’s you’. Charming! I became a year older and I’m now 19! Eeeeek!

Despite all these changes in my life, I have miserably failed on changing one thing in particular– my opinionated personality. A close friend of mine asked me for the link to my blog and as I copied and pasted the link to her, I found myself reading over some of my previous articles. It was only then did I realize just how…. ‘high and mighty’ I sounded and I actually felt quite embarrassed and ashamed of myself as despite my intentions having always been good, the style of my writing seemed to say otherwise.

 For that reason, the title of this article is aimed at myself – ‘Who made ME judge Judy?’ and what gives me the authority to label people? Now before you ask, no this is not a sympathy article where my aim is for you guys to sit back and think ‘oh poor girl!’ Nope! This is an eye opener article to show just how easily it is to not think before we speak and stereotype people.

 A few weeks ago I said possibly one of the most stupidest and judgmental things which was ‘I can’t stand guys who have ear piercings, spiked hair, low jeans and rough clothing. If I ever see them, I assume that they are trouble’ the worse thing is that I said this to a close friend of mine… who has his ears pierced and spikes. I really put my foot into it didn’t I? He put up a good front but later revealed that he was kind of hurt by what I had said and to be honest with you, who wouldn’t be? He is his own person and expresses himself through the way of dress – That doesn’t necessarily make him a bad person. Unfortunately, I failed to see this…

He actually gave me a scenario that really made me think. He told me to imagine myself walking through the city centre and suddenly have someone yell ‘terrorist!’ or approach me and ask me whether I had been forced by my parents to wear that ‘thing’. I’m not exactly the sort of person to respond to such remarks but that’s not to say that I wouldn’t feel hurt at being judged by someone who doesn’t even know me. The Golden rule is an ethical code that states ‘One should treat others as one would like others to treat oneself’ and if I want to be respected as an individual rather than be labeled, then I first have to be able to provide that same respect to other people.

I’ll give you another example. Me and a couple of uni friends were enjoying a spot of lunch at Nandos and we began to discuss our favorite childhood programs. Half of the cartoons I had never heard of before let alone watched so it wasn’t long before I was being referred to as ‘Matilda’ and was even asked whether I was forced to read books. I know that they were just kidding around and thankfully I’m not a sensitive person that takes things to heart, but I didn’t really approve of them making fun of ‘people who read books without pictures’. In essence though, that’s exactly what I was doing when commenting on guys with spiked hair etc.

No one is perfect and we all have a judgmental streak to us and that is perfectly natural. Its only when this streak takes control over our ‘independent way of thinking’ do we then have to worry. There may be a situation where you are compelled to mention a person’s flaws but in doing so, it would also be best to mention their good qualities in order to create a balance as no one likes to continuously be reminded of their faults. I said ‘you’ but this is something that I need to work on and its been proven to be one of my weaknesses.

I am living eating talking laughing screaming proof of just how easy it is to poison the mind with negative opinions and thoughts of others and sometimes, I don’t even realize that I’m doing it. It’s only until I hear myself say it out aloud do I think ‘Uh-Oh… I shouldn’t have said that… I shouldn’t have even thought that’.

So yeah… this article was mainly about me addressing one of my biggest flaws. My name is Alima and I am a ‘judgementalholic’. Until next time stay safe, remember me in your duas and keep smiling! Salaam!

Article No.34 Ground Zero ‘mosque’: The controversial story - By Alima Ali

Salaam. I pray that you’re all in the best of health. As you may know, I decided to take a three month break from writing in order to concentrate on my studies as well as a few other things. Alhamdulillah, I am now able to enjoy what’s left of the summer holidays and concentrate on writing monthly articles. There have been a few changes regarding the blog, main one being the colour scheme. I have opted for a more professional but yet appealing style and have also included a few gadgets including a ‘Follow by email’ gadget which enables you to follow my blog. Every time the blog is updated, you shall automatically receive an email informing you of the update. Another one of the gadgets is a ‘Share it’ gadget which enables you Facebook or tweet a particular blog post. My blog is called ‘A Muslimah’s Blog’ and can be found at: www.a-muslimahs-blog.blogspot.com so visit, read and follow :)

The subject for this article was prompted by the documentary ‘The Ground Zero mosque’ that was broad casted on channel 4 on the 5th September 2011 at 9pm. When the controversy of building a ‘mosque’ near The World Trade Centre Site after the 9/11 attack first arose, like many, I struggled to separate fact from fiction. It wasn’t until I watched the documentary did I then obtain a much better understanding of the for/against argument regarding the Ground Zero ‘mosque’.

What many people failed to understand, most specifically relatives of victims of the 9/11 attack was that Imam Feisal Abdul Rauf intentions were sincere: To build a cultural centre allowing people of all faiths and cultures to come together. The first two floors were to be used as a prayer room and the rest of the building to act as a community centre which was to include a basketball court, restaurant and a swimming pool. But surprise surprise these other uses seemed irrelevant and were ignored by the media who instead focused on the 2 floor prayer room. Another thing that the media conveniently forgot to mention was the actual size of this building; 5,600 ft tall making it five times bigger than the tallest building on Earth. Bearing this incredible size in mind, 2 floors is nothing!

I think that it is fair to say that the millions of Americans who opposed the Ground Zero ‘mosque’ were mislead into believing that an ACTUAL mosque was to be built. Writer Charlie Brooker stated that Americans aren’t to be blamed for having such opinionated minds regarding the Ground Zero ‘mosque’ and that in actual fact, the media are to be blamed and I for one agree.

According to a recent poll, one in five Americans believes Barack Obama is a Muslim, even though he isn't. A quarter of those who believe he's a Muslim also claimed he talks about his faith too much. Americans aren't dumb. Clearly these particular Americans have either gone insane or been seriously misled. Where are they getting their information?
Sixty per cent said they learned it from the media. Which means it's time for the media to give up. (Charlie Brooker)

Just because a building has a prayer room, that doesn’t necessarily make it a mosque. I mean, you don’t call St Marys hospital a church just because it has a chapel inside it? You don’t call a university a mosque just because it has prayer facilities? I personally believe that it is just another attempt by the media and a majority of Americans to make yet another ‘dig’ at Muslims.

However, I can sort of understand why many Americans would take offence to having a ‘mosque’ (even though it’s not a mosque but a community centre) built on Ground Zero (even though it’s not on Ground Zero ground’) To many, it is a constant reminder of the 9/11 attacks which was supposedly carried out by Muslims and so to have a Muslim facility so nearby would be offensive.

Many have said that it is ‘too close’ and that ‘any location in lower Manhattan is too close for a Muslim structure’. Having done my research I can tell you that near the Ground Zero ‘mosque’ in the centre of the world trade centre is a is a halal meat shop. Now some would say that this seems irrelevant and that there is a great difference between a mosque and a halal meat shop but the principle is the same. Maybe the meat shop should be a few blocks away as it’s too close? The point of the matter is that 9/11 terrorists have given Islam a permanent label and has portrayed what is such a beautiful religion as being a violent and discriminating religion. Because of these terrorists, it now is a serious ‘crime’ to build a ‘mosque’ near Ground Zero. Well I’m sorry, but Christianity’s past isn’t exactly a clean slate but you don’t see anyone saying that churches shouldn’t be built in America.

Until next time stay safe, remember me in your duas and keep smiling! Asalamu Alaikum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuhu.

Alima
www.a-muslimahs-blog.blogspot.com

Watch this space ;)

Salaam all! A late Eid mubarak from me (better late than never) For those who are following and reading my blog, I just wanted to say watch this space as I shall Inshallah be returning to writing my monthly articles as well as posting updates and excerpts from my book 'It's just a fairy tale'. If you wanna holla, follow the arrow ---------------------->
Alima

Quote from 'It's Just a Fairy Tale'

Salam all. This is a little quote from my book 'It's Just a Fairy Tale' - Enjoy

Before I could ponder the memory any further, my mother suddenly stumbled her way into the living room, her face streamed with tears of happiness followed by my older sister who was grinning from ear to ear and giving me a knowing look as if to say ‘Now it’s your turn’

Article No 38: Love Vs Infatuation, Marriage Proposals (do’s and don’ts) and the importance of R.E.S.P.E.C.T

Salam All. I pray that you are in the best of health. This article is long overdue and I apologize for the delay. There are a number of topics that I want to discuss first one being a topic that was suggested by a fellow reader. This sister emailed me and requested whether it would be possible for me to distinguish the difference between love and infatuation. Many have tried and failed when it comes to defining love and I for one am not going to attempt to come with a definition for the word as in my eyes, it simply doesn’t have one – Well it does but its definition varies.

Love is commonly mistaken for infatuation. Infatuation is ‘a foolish and usually extravagant passion or admiration’ that is usually felt quite early on. You ever heard someone talk about how they’ve got the butterfly feeling in their stomach every time they see someone of the opposite gender whether it is a famous person such as Johnny Depp or whether it is the popular guy who never seems to notice your presence. Well that isn’t love – That is infatuation and also nerves. But when you’re in love, you don’t feel nerves at least you shouldn’t feel them as when you’re with or around that person, you’re at ease and as cliché it sounds, you feel safe. Love is a slow and gradual process that usually grows and develops over a period of time. Sister, I hoped that I answered your question

Ok. Imagine this. The day has finally arrived. and n, it’s not your wedding day – It’s the day where you are about to meet your first ever possible suitor that has been arranged by your parents. You haven’t met/seen this person before and know very little about them. So, what do you do? Well here is my Dos and Don’ts list:

Do: Communicate with the possible suitor! You’d be surprised at the number of times people avoid any form of eye contact or avoid speaking to the person because they are afraid they’ll end up saying something stupid or that they’ll be an awkward silence. It automatically becomes awkward if both of you are relying on each other to start off the conversation and plus, how are you meant to find out answers to the 1001 questions that are running through your head if your refusing to talk?

Do: Give a positive first impression. If you haven’t met the suitor before, then first impressions are most definitely important. Be polite, dress sophisticated and just be you. If the person doesn’t like you for who you are, then it’s their loss.

Do: Talk to the suitors parents. In an Asian marriage you usually end up marrying not only him/her, but also their parents as well as the rest of the family so again, it’s important for you to communicate with the possible in-laws and that means no glaring or giving them the daggers or being sarcastic!

Do: Be prepared. You don’t know when you might next see the suitor so ask everything you want to know. You’ve got nothing to lose and possibly a lot to gain. Prepare a list of questions and no, that does not mean sitting there with an A4 sheet of paper saying aloud ‘Question number 1’. Have a set of questions in mind and then just go for it! You rather find out everything that you want to know right at the beginning as opposed to being presented with an unpleasant surprise just after the rishta has been finalised. And try and make sure that they are suitable questions, questions that will help you in making the final decision. Such a question to avoid is ‘How many people have asked for your rishta’ It would seem more appropriate for your parents to ask his/her parents as it would seem kind of rude for you to ask them yourself directly so try and avoid such a question. A more appropriate question will be ‘What are your interests?’ That way you can identify whether you share the same interests and if so, build up a conversation.

Don’t: Bring up the ‘The weather is nice/miserable’ line because that just shows that your are clueless as to what to ask which also creates an awkward atmosphere.

Don’t: Jump to conclusions and form an overall impression of the suitor based on what you have already ‘heard’. Some people do a bit of background research on the possible suitor in an attempt to find out some information about them. A majority of the time what they hear is just gossip and if it’s bad gossip, they automatically form a negative opinion of the suitor so in other words, have already made up their mind without having seen or spoken to the suitor first.

And finally don’t: Talk unnecessarily. Its best that you only talk if you’re directly addressed to either by the suitor or by the suitor’s parents as it is otherwise seen as being disrespectful.
Whatever the end result may be, just remember that Allah (swt) knows best.

So I had a family wedding a few days ago, the first day being the woman’s side in Manchester and mashallah it was an amazing wedding. The Nikkah took place and the Imam did a speech (Something that I have never seen at a Nikkah) and despite him speaking in Urdu, I understood the basics of what he was saying and later asked a family relative to translate.

He talked about not only the importance of marriage, but also the importance of respect and how the younger generation no longer know and understand the meaning of the word and what he said really made me question myself. Do I follow the meaning of the word R.E.S.P.E.C.T? We’ve all heard the saying ‘Treat others how you would like to be treated’ so, why do a number of us (Including myself) overlook it? These days you tend to hear ‘Well you’ve got to earn the respect’ but I disagree with this statement. As Muslims, we believe that respect should be given to everything, as everything has been created for a purpose and that we should show kindness and gratitude towards our fellow brothers and sisters regardless of their faith or gender. As difficult it may be, we shouldn’t judge nor should we look down upon people as we are all equal regardless.

I would like you to stop what you’re doing and think –Think about your behaviour towards those around you. Do you really treat them with respect, regardless of whether they deserve it or not? If you find yourself thinking ‘No’, then set yourself a target on how you are going to change yourself so that you are following and applying the meaning of respect which in turn, will make you a better person Inshallah!

I would like to leave you with a short poem that Sister Amrana forwarded to me not long ago. Until next time stay safe, remember me in your duas and keep smiling! Asalamu Alaikum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuhu.

Alima

www.a-muslimahs-blog.blogspot.com

I asked for strength
And God gave me difficulties to make me strong
I asked for wisdom
And God gave me problems to solve
I asked for prosperity
And God gave me brain and brawn to work
I asked for courage
And God gave me dangers to overcome
I asked for love
And God gave me troubled people to help
I asked for favours
And God gave me opportunities
I received nothing I wanted
I received everything I needed

Apology for the delay in article =)

Salam All. I pray that you are in the best of health. I should have sent this email a long time ago but me and time aren’t really the best of friends. I know I said that I’d write an article about the stages involved within a Nikkah from a woman’s POV and I haven’t BUT I have a good excuse so please, hear me out. A few weeks ago, I got in contact with a Publishing company who proof read part of my book and....have agreed to publish it once complete! This is BIG news and mashallah AMAZING news. I am determined to get the book finished by the New Year and so, have been trying to write as much of it as I can whenever I can which means that my articles have been affected. That’s not to say that I have given up on writing articles altogether. It is difficult to balance out the two alongside the stress of sixth form but I shall Inshallah begin writing the article soon. I will continue to keep you updated with the progress of the book and pray that Allah swt makes it easy for me – for us all. If you’re wondering how far I have gotten with the book, I have almost finished chapter 5. Here is a little excerpt from the book for you to enjoy (I hope)

I’m 21 years of age and in no hurry to marry although my grandma seems to think otherwise. Without fail one o clock sharp on a Saturday afternoon, she’d be ringing the door bell and claiming that she has been knocking for twenty minutes when in actual fact it has been two. She would then make herself comfortable on the sofa, demand for a traditional Pakistani cup of tea before staring at me through her rather odd looking spectacles and grinning like a Cheshire cat. This can only mean one thing and one thing only – She has been busy exchanging photographs with her match making partners in crime in an attempt to hitch me up with some freshy from back home.

Until next time stay safe, remember me in your duas and keep smiling! Asalamu Alaikum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuhu. Alima

Of Valentine’s Day and arranged marriages (part 2) - By Alima Ali

Salam All! I pray that you are in the best of health. My break from writing was a slightly extended one but also a much needed one. Nevertheless, I am back with many more ideas for upcoming articles and topics to discuss. The first topic of this article is Valentine’s Day. Enjoy!
The 14th of February is seen by many as being an iconic day. Valentines Days goes back to the Roman Empire where the 14th of February was a holiday to honour Juno who was the Queen of the Roman Gods and Goddesses. Juno was otherwise known as the Goddess of women and marriage.

Anywho, there were strict rules and guidelines to the mixing of the two sexes. However, there was a tradition where on the eve of Valentine’s Day, the girls would write their name on a piece of paper and place it in a jar. A guy would come and pick a jar and the two would dance together on the eve of Valentine’s Day and eventually fall in love etc. (So much for the strict guidelines)

So where did Valentine come from? Well, he was a priest (who went by the name Valentine) He hated the emperor of Rome as he wanted to build up a large army but no-one wanted to join as they wanted to be with their loved ones and so a rule was made, banning all marriages from taking place.

One night Valentine got caught secretly marrying a couple and got thrown into jail and was later killed. To cut a long story short, the emperors daughter amongst other people regularly visited the priest to tell him that they too ‘believed in love’ and it is from this where the whole love letter writing tradition begun.
There are many different interpretations behind the meaning of Valentine’s Day but the purpose of this iconic day is simple – It is a day where loved ones express their love to each other through gifts and chocolates. But hang on, Valentine’s Day only happens once a year so what do couples do for the other 364 days? Many Muslims have embraced this cultural traditions and I would like to look at the reasons behind why we feel that we should be embracing such a cultural tradition that goes against many of the values and teachings of Islam.

A few days ago i went to the card factory and before i even walked into the shop, i was literally bombarded with posters, teddy bears, wrapping paper and balloons, all in the name of Valentine’s Day. By the time i had gotten into the shop, i had been transported from reality to what can only be described as being a fantasy of love. I say fantasy as it’s all fake. Don’t get me wrong, the teddy bears are so adorable and the A1 cards are massive but I personally think that it is an incentive for Muslims to commit haram. If you’re married or engaged, then that’s a total different matter but if you have got a boyfriend or girlfriend, and are celebrating and encouraging the rituals of Valentine’s Day, then that’s simply wrong.

Married/engaged couples should be ‘celebrating’ their love for each other every day and not just on February 14th. It can at times be difficult living in a Western society as we are constantly surrounded by temptation. Nevertheless, we must never forget our religion and our purpose(s) in life.

If you don’t receive a Valentines present of some sort, nobody likes you – If nobody likes you, you’re not likeable and known to be ‘ugly’ one which in turn, lowers your self confidence. And it works both ways. If you receive loads of valentine’s gifts, loads of members of the opposite sex ‘like’ you which means that you’re very popular which increases your confidence to the point where your ego is the size of a balloon.

I have nothing against Valentine’s Day but when it reaches the stage where we are tempted by its traditions to commit haram that is when it becomes a problem.

A few fellow readers asked me to discuss arranged marriages. When i asked them what part of arranged marriages that they wanted me to discuss, their response was that they wanted to my opinions on the whole issue. My views on arranged marriages have drastically changed over the last few months, most particularly after reading the book ‘Love in a headscarf’ by shelina zahra janmohamed. Before reading this book, i wasn’t very keen on arranged marriages and was quite closed minded about them. However, from the moment i began to read ‘Love in a headscarf’ i found myself within the company of a woman who had chose the ‘arranged marriage’ route and it wasn’t long before i was in hysterics and re-reading certain parts that really brought a smile to my face. Only now have i realised that arranged marriages aren’t that bad and almost the better option as opposed to searching for a marriage partner yourself. What really made me stop and think ‘O.M.G’ was that it took Shelina 10 years to find her perfect spouse but no doubt it was worth the wait. I would most definitely recommend this book so what you’re waiting for? Go and buy it!

So what do i now think of arranged marriages? I think that they aren’t that bad. After all parents know best and what’s the worst they can do? *shifty eyes* If you don’t agree with their choice, you can always decline so either way, you don’t lose out. Just make sure that you make it clear to your parents, aunties or other match making assistants what you are looking for in a spouse. The last thing you want is to have a Borat look alike sitting in your living room sipping a cup of tea saying ‘Hello. My name is Borat’

In some cases, an arranged marriage is a bit like a blind date, just without the date. You don’t really know the possible suitor until they have arrived on your doorstep. What you have to remember is that with an arranged marriage, you are not only marrying the guy/girl but you are also marrying their whole family so first impressions really do count.

The advantage to an arranged marriage is that the parents, aunties and everyone else involved are able to find out about the possible suitors family background to find out if they are marriage material – This isn’t possible with a love marriage but hey, they say that love grows and develops within the marriage.

And.... I have reached the end of the article. A very late Happy New Year and i pray that Allah (swt) fills this year with happiness and joy! Until next time stay safe, remember me in your duas and keep smiling!

Asalamu Alaikum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuhu.

Alima

Notification about short break from writing

Salam All. I pray that you are in the best of health. I have not written an article for just over a month and I shall not be writing one until at least February. What with revision and preparation for exams, i currently don’t have the time to balance out revision with writing. I hope that you all understand and please remember me in your duas.
W/Salam
Alima

The portrayal of Muslims in the media - By Alima Ali

Salam all! I pray that you’re all in the best of health. It is evidently clear that Islam is the world’s fastest growing religion in the West. However, that does not overshadow the negativity that is portrayed by the Media regarding Islam and unfortunately, it is the ignorant and prejudice people that end up portraying the whole of the Muslim community.

It is unfortunate that those around us perceive Islam as being a violent and extreme religion whereby rules are constantly inflicted upon us and thus, results in us hiding away from society. These are more or less opinions rather than facts and this is due to many non-Muslims mistaking culture for religion.

I have lost count at the number of times that i have been asked ‘Were you forced to wear that thing?’ ‘thing’ referring to the hijab/headscarf. There are times where i find it so difficult to not turn around and say ‘Does it look as if i was forced?’ But at the end of the day, i got to remember that despite not knowing it, i am all the while representing the Muslim population and so, i have to be patient and understanding and try my best to explain to them that they should not always believe everything that they see/hear in the media. Unfortunately, it is usually the minority representing the majority and the end result is our religion being branded as being ‘extreme’.

A prime example is the Panorama episode titled ‘Panorama: British schools, Islamic rules’. This was aired a few weeks ago and it sure stirred up some discussion among the Muslim community. To cut it short, they basically ‘researched’ Islam and went about picking out certain things and twisting it so that us Muslims are seen as being the ‘bad guys’. Have a read for yourself and see just how the media have twisted Islamic principles so that in their eyes and in the viewers eyes, Islam is simply a extreme religion which encourages Muslims to single themselves away from society (from people who are from a different religious background) :
http://www.guardian.co.uk/media/2010/nov/22/bbc-panorama-islamic-schools-antisemitism

You have probably realised that Muslims and media don’t really go hand in hand – we’re like arch enemies and it’s actually quite a shame. If only they really knew us; They would realise that we ain’t half what they make us out to be.

I think that at times, we bring it upon ourselves. An example can be the whole burning the Pakistan flag. Can someone please tell me the purpose of this because till this very day, i haven’t a clue. When non Muslims see Muslims in big groups screaming and burning a flag and throwing shoes then what are they expected to believe? And then you have the controversial stories of the 9/11 and the London Underground bombings which were supposedly carried out by Muslims. Now, we can easily argue this point but you can’t ignore the news headlines about the small number of Muslims who blow themselves up in the name of God. Non-Muslims see such headlines and freak out and become all paranoid and so, generalise the whole of the Muslim population as being a threat.

I’m going to end my article here as i think that you have a rather good idea about the portrayal of Muslims in the media. So this is Salam from me. Until next time, stay safe, remember me in your duas and keep smiling!

Asalamualikum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuhu

Top 5 tips on how to survive in a mixed college - By Alima Ali

Salam Everyone! How are we all doing? I pray that you’re in the best of health. The topic for this article was suggested by a fellow reader so i hope that you enjoy reading it and find it of some use.

I would first like to share with you a film that i have just recently watched entitled ‘Arranged’ It is a film that is basically based on two female teachers – One is a Muslim and the other is Jew and they are totally opposite to one another. The conflicts between the two religions makes their friendship an unlikely one but what they soon find out is that they have one big thing in common – Both their families want them to have an arranged family. It has everything – romance, a bit of comedy, a great story and most importantly a happy ending.

In regard to my previous article ‘Do love marriages exist’, i received some feedback from brother Ateeb. For those who have forgotten who he is, he designed my book cover  Anywho, i was quite astonished at his astonishment about the concept of arranged marriages and it was only till then did i realise how members of the opposite gender are almost shadowed away from the whole concept. Nevertheless, his comments were an eye opener and have given me some ideas for future articles so Jazakallah Khair Ateeb for your feedback.

Now back to the article. Alhumdilillah, i was fortunate enough to go to an all girls secondary school and i was warned by many people about how it would not only be a big jump from gcses to A levels, but also a big jump from being in a single sex environment to a mixed environment – What a big jump it was! There are about 100-120 students within the sixth form, 30 of which are male so it ain’t a properly mixed environment. Nevertheless, from day1, i noticed there being a massive change in the girl’s behaviour when a guy was around and it did take some time getting used to. Alhumdilillah, all is well and i live to write this guide on ‘How to survive in a mixed college’ so, here we go!

Tip Number 1: - You may have never seen one before, but that specie that you’re so curious of is a member of the opposite gender. There is a name for that sort of person – A guy. It’s utterly amazing how a female acts so differently when a guy is present. They suddenly go all giggly and the famous twirling of the hair appears out of no-where. You can imagine the sort of conversation that would take place if a guy approached this sort of girl and asked her if she knew what the Chemistry homework was. Lights...camera.... It’s time for role play!

Guy: Hey, you’re in my Chem class right?
*looks around her*
Girl: Who me?
Guy: Erm yh.... I just wanted to ask you whether you wrote down the homework.
*Girl begins to panic and grabs her bag which falls to the floor. She picks up the bag and looks for her planner only to realise that she has left it at home*
Girl: Where is it? Why am i such an idiot for?
Guy: Chillax. If you ain’t got it then don’t sweat. It’s all good.
*Guy begins to walk away to ask someone else*
Girl: NO! IT WAS..... I’M SURE THAT IT WAS..... WELL..... I’M NOT SURE WHAT THE HOMEWORK WAS BUT I’LL FIND OUT FOR YOU AND THEN LET YOU KNOW AND WE CAN DO IT TOGETHER IN THE LIBRARY – JUST THE TWO OF US AND-‘ *girl is talking in a rushed high pitched voice*

You get the picture. So tip number one is to just be yourself. And if you can’t do that, then try not to make it too obvious to the opposite gender that you are losing all sense of normality because of their presence.

Tip Number 2:- We have established that he is a guy and that you are a girl so talking = okies. But what’s up with the whole hugging business? And how can i forget the famous ‘He’s like a brother to me’ line.

The line has to be drawn somewhere and I’m assuming right about now. I think that what many people fail to remember is that guys and girls are totally different. There are some things that a girl does with her female friends that she cannot do with her male friends for example, she can’t ring up one of her male friends in the early hours of the morning complaining about stomach cramps because mostly likely he’ll turn around and say ‘well what do you want me to do about it?’. This point can be argued but guys aren’t that sensitive and for those who are, they don’t like to show it. I’m assuming it’s a man’s thing. You don’t need to be a genius to figure out that physical interaction between a guy and girl is forbidden in Islam. If you didn’t already know this, you know it now.

I have lost count at the number of times that i have heard the ‘He’s like a brother to me’ line. Don’t get me wrong, that can be the case but for many, it’s just an excuse. And what happens when you develop feelings towards your ‘so called brother’? So, tip number two is to try and avoid physical interaction. Simple... right? No. There may be times where you may have to shake a guys/girls hand. If this is the case, make sure that you’re only shaking the hand and not caressing it or something. Stupid as it may sound, it does happen.

Tip Number 3:- Leaving a lasting impression can be a good thing but surely you want to leave a positive impression?
I’m going to put it to you straight. If you’re walking around wearing clothes that are so tight it looks like as if they have been painted onto you, then surely you’re going to receive unwanted attention from the opposite gender. I can so easily put the blame onto the male gender and go on about Zina of the eyes, but to be fair, if your body is on display like a wax work, then what choice do they have? Yes they can so easily turn away but what are the chances of that actually happening?

And guys, we don’t want to see your boxers so for pity sake, pull up your trousers and invest in a belt! Trust me, on a Monday morning, the last thing that us females want to see is a pair of boxers staring us right in the face. It’s a rather unpleasant sight.
So, tip number three is to cover up and dress modestly because at the end of the day, you’re going to be held accountable.

Tip Number 4:- Dignity. Every heard of the word? We all like to have a laugh now and again but some people take it a step too far and it eventually reaches the point where they are simply making a fool of themselves. No-one likes to be put down so why do it to yourself? Tip number four is to know when to draw the line. As Muslims, we are encouraged to act in a certain way and if some-one is taking it a step too far, just quietly pull them onto one side and explain to them that they need to calm down.

And finally tip Number 5:- Simply be yourself! If there is anything that i have learnt in the last seventeen years of my life, it is to just be yourself. Just because you are in a mixed environment, it doesn’t mean that you should change your character in order to suit others. If they don’t like you for who you are then tough! It’s their loss. There are so many girls out there who change themselves for a member of the opposite gender and to be frank, that’s rather sad. Be yourself and you can’t go wrong!

And that is the end of the article. My next article shall be based on the portrayal of Muslims in the media and in the article after that, i shall be discussing whether women in Islam are allowed to work. Until next time, stay safe, remember me in your duas and keep smiling!
Asalamu Alaikum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuhu.
Alima

Do love marriages exist? - By Alima Ali

Salam All. I pray that you are in the best of health. It has been more than a while since my last article and only the lack of time can be blamed. It seems that college has taken over my life and the possibility of writing another article has been at the back of my mind for some time now, i just haven’t gotten round to writing it. Nevertheless, here i am so how you all doing? Alhumdilillah I’m very well (thanks for asking – JK)

I have chosen to write about the existence of love marriages as i believe that it is a topic that isn’t so openly discussed among Muslims (Pakistanis in particular) so, this is the opportunity of having an open discussion about it so feel free to comment.

About two weeks ago there was a wedding and no, i didn’t go. Nevertheless, it didn’t take me long to find out that it was a love marriage and by the sounds of it, this was the talk of the wedding. I can almost guarantee that half of you are sitting there thinking ‘It’s a love marriage – It’s not going to work out. There is no such thing’ and then the other half of you are probably thinking ‘Awwwwww how sweet – They met and fell in love. It’s like an Asian version of Cinderella’.

Personally, i think that both groups are right... and also wrong. However, before i go ahead with my ‘analogy’, i would like to share a quote with you. Now, this girl is going to hate me for publishing this in this article and i have no doubt that she’s probably cursing underneath her breath. She is one of the most subborn(est) people that i know and you’ll probably get a sense of that once you have read what she had to say.

“2 people fall in love. They spend their whole lives loving each other, spending time with each other, laughing with each other, bringing the best out of each other. And then, one day something goes wrong and that’s it – It’s all gone. The supposed ‘love’ vanishes. Death can make two people go apart true but aside from that, even if they are both alive, something can happen to ruin it all so why bother living in a dream land where love exists? You just end up breaking each other’s heart”

Harsh? Yes. Is she right? Maybe. That is from one persons POV and the next quote that i would like to share with you is from someone who somewhat believes in love marriages. This is what she had to say. I showed her the above quote and this is what she said in response to it. You got to love this.

“Well that can happen in an arranged marriage. Plus, there are arranged marriages where the couple are merely living with each other.... They are putting up with each other – either for the children, family or the shame of divorce. So there’s positives and negatives wither way as long as the couple act within Islamic boundaries and meet each other’s rights and needs then they should be happy in either. Plus, they have to be willing to compromise – Couples tend not to compromise which can make the relationship difficult”

I also asked a third person and this is what she had to say. “Take the case of Zainab ra there was no connection between her and her husband Zaid and the marriage ended simply on that basis. Considering one party was a mother of the believers and the other a sahaba and adopted son of a prophet! We Muslims are not dreamy or naive and do not expect marriage to be a bed of roses automatically. The initial spark may or may not be there it takes work. Many sisters did not feel any initial spark but later totally fell head over heels with the qualities of their spouse. I guess the spark should be there but make piety the main criteria”

Before i go any further with this article, i would first like to clarify what i mean by a ‘love marriage’. I don’t mean having a ‘trial and error’ period beforehand and then basing your final decision on whether ‘he/she is the one’ because chances are, it’s not going to work out. Your probably thinking ‘well who are you to say whether a marriage will work out or not’ but think about it for a second. If you have been ‘dating’ and ‘going out’ and been having a ‘physical relationship’ with someone outside marriage and doing God knows what else – In other words committing haram, what makes you think that a marriage that is based on the foundations of haram is going to work out? For this reason, maybe it is best for some girls and guys who cannot cope with the temptation and who are unable to control their sexual desires to marry at a young age. Notice the key word some. I personally don’t believe in teen marriages and marrying before the age of 18 but hey, that’s just my opinion. If you think that you have found your future partner and have received your parents blessing that hey, why not?

‘You can’t help who you fall for but you can control your actions' (Hajirah) From my POV, a love marriage is meeting someone through family, friends, university, Muslim dating websites etc and then feeling what can only be described as being a physical attraction.

I was having this conversation with a friend of mine and she too agrees with the whole love marriage concept. However, she did say that the question that we should be asking ourselves is ‘Do they last?’ In response to this ‘question’ i think yes and no. At the end of the day, Allah (swt) knows best and so, if it’s not meant to be.... then it’s not meant to be.

The two groups of girls. The group who are anti-love marriage and the group who are ‘for’ love marriages.

I know quite a few people who can easily be placed into this category but there is one person in particular. She is totally against love marriages and doesn’t believe in them full stop. So let’s ask ourselves, why? Why would someone such as this girl be so against the common trend of love marriages? Well, i personally believe that it’s because they want to play it safe, you know – go for the ‘tried and tested’ methods of the usual arranged marriage. When opting for the love marriage route, you’re putting a lot at risk and it is especially for difficult for the woman than compared to the man and I’ll tell you why. From a culture, POV, women generally have it hard and are blamed for almost every argument within a marriage. So, you can imagine the hype when a daughter announces to her parents that she has met someone and that she would like to marry him. If an arranged marriage goes wrong, there is usually a period of time in which the women is verbally abused but it everything sooner or later dies down. However, if a love marriage breaks down, it’s twice as bad because it was the girls choice and she was ‘naive, stupid, too young to make such a decision, childish’ and the list goes on.

To sum up the above paragraph, girls who are in the ‘anti love marriages’ group are afraid of being let down by their partner and are also afraid of relying on someone who has the ‘power’ of so easily walking away, leaving them to pick up the pieces and the sad thing is that they can’t say anything in their defence because it was their decision.

Now the ‘For’ love marriages group. I’m sure that many of you were brought up reading fairy tales such as ‘Cinderella’ and ‘Beauty and the Beast’. I for one wasn’t and so, for most of my childhood, convinced myself that i was a tom boy. Anywho, it wasn’t until about two or three years ago when i first became interested in the Islamic perspective of love, the cultural perspective and the usual ‘Happy ever after’ perspective and i can now honestly say that i believe in the existence of love marriages. As i said earlier on in this article, my opinion of love marriages is meeting some though family, friends etc BUT not having a physical relationship with them... if that makes sense.

Love marriages are over exaggerated and made to fool people into thinking that it simply involves finding someone, marrying them, having a few kids and wait for it... living happily ever after. Well allow me to burst your little bubble and bring you back into the real world because the whole ‘happily ever after’ is just a joke. It takes two to tango and in this case, it takes two to make a marriage wok. Alongside the power of the prayer, commitment, strength and love are all the ingredients needed to make the ‘love marriage’ recipe.

So, why do people so strongly believe in love marriages? I think that it’s because they just want to be loved for who they are. They just want someone to turn around and say to them that they accept them for what they are. I think that a girl’s biggest fear is losing the one(s) that she loves. Marriage is all about uniting a man and woman and increasing the Ummah. A marriage is all about bonding 2 people of the opposite gender and in a way, moulding them together to make an almost perfect couple.

I have read quite a bit into the concept of love within Islam and for those who don’t believe in love, I suggest that you read about the relationship between Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) and Khadijah and please, don’t come out with ‘It was different in that period of time’. I know that the male gender within our generation are quite.... tapped shall i say but the concept of love within Islam has not changed.

Unfortunately in many cultural marriages, a man/woman marry just for the sake of it and so, you can sort of understand why , in SOME cases (not all) the marriage eventually breaks down. If a couple have nothing in common, have no passion in their relationship, no trust or understanding, then what’s the point?

Do i think that love exists? Yes – And i say that without the slightest of hesitation. At the end of the day, everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It’s time for me to wrap this article. Hopefully, you won’t have to wait long to read my next article which shall be called ‘Top 5 tips on how to survive in a mixed college’. I hope that you enjoyed reading this article and once again, i apologize about the delay. Until next time, stay safe, remember me in your duas and keep smiling!

Asalamu Alaikum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuhu.

Miss Perfect: Does she exist? – Countdown 10 - 1 - By Alima Ali

Salam All. I pay that you are in the best of health. I am writing this article in response to a comment that i received regarding my article ‘Mr Perfect: Does he exist?’ where ‘Sharinghitman’ goes: ‘eerrr... MISS PERFECT. DOES SHE EXIST?’ It is because of this comment that i have decided write this article. However, before i go ahead with the countdown, there are a few videos that i would like to share with you.
The first two videos are just so just so inspirational – That’s all that I’m going to say because i want you to watch the videos for yourself. They are a real eye opener and have such a positive impact. Subhanallah!

Link One: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r0avuvShIbI&feature=player_embedded

Link Two: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V4axp5V_j6E

I shall be sharing the third video with you a bit later on in this article. I have been bombarded with several article suggestions and I’m currently making my way through each suggestion. One of the suggestion was to write an article about ‘one of the most powerful and influential series of videos that you’ll ever see on the internet’ That’s right. I’m talking about The Arrivals. I’m going to admit that i am quite apprehensive about writing an article about ‘The Arrivals’ mainly because i have not seen the full series myself – I have only seen clips and so, i believe that before i am to write an article about it, i must first watch it and understand it so that article is currently on hold.

As well as the suggestions, i have been received quite a few emails from fellow Brothers and Sisters asking me ‘what inspired you to write?’ Well, let me tell you. The person or should i say people that influenced me and transformed me into becoming a keen reader and eventually writer has to be my various English teachers, all of which taught me something different. But in all honesty, it wasn’t until i first met Amrana before i began to seriously think about the different ways in one can present a message to the younger generation whether it be in the form of a video or an article.

I always admired the way she was able to so easily grasp ones attention and it wasn’t until i had stepped into the ‘Big bad world’ that i realised just how negatively the younger generation were being portrayed and it was at this moment in time that i turned my attention to writing articles. So Amrana, thank you. Thank you for being such a positive role model and a brilliant Ustada, friend and Sister. I hope that one day i will be look back and be able to proudly say ‘I know her’
I would like to make one thing clear before i continue on with this article. In my previous article ‘Does my Bum look big in this’ i did include a link to a Google image of Kim Kardashians rear end and now that i think about it, it was wrong of me to do so. I did not in any way intend to commit Zina and i do apologize. It would have made more sense for me to have shown you a cartoon instead so sorry!

Now, back to this article. I am going to ATTEMPT to think like a guy and identify, from a male POV what they may be looking for in a marriage spouse. I think that we have such high expectations from the opposite gender and so, we end up thinking ‘There is no-one out there for me to marry’ *Sighs*

Every girl wants a husband who is a millionaire, who has an IQ of 180, a mansion with a swimming pool, and also a Villa in Spain. I’m assuming that every guy wants a wife who is as skinny as a stick (I hope that your view has changed since reading the ‘Does my Bum look big in this?’ article) A woman who can cook, clean, raise 5 kids and be able to be there for them at their every need.

And you’re wondering why you can’t find a spouse? Maybe its what you’re looking for in a marriage partner rather than where you’re looking. Many females who are looking for a marriage partner are almost 100% certain as to what they think a guy looks for in a marriage partner: Best Friend, Soul mate etc. These are o/k but they aren’t really qualities so, prepare yourself as i go though the ‘Top ten traits that a Muslim man MAY look for in a possible marriage partner’

10) Humour. If a Brother has met his almost Miss Perfect spouse, then he would expect her to have a funny side. I mean, this is big – This person could potentially be the person that you’re going to be spending the rest of your life with so you can imagine how grim the relationship may be if your wife doesn’t know how to laugh. On a serious note, if she doesn’t prove to be ‘the one’ because she doesn’t have the ‘funny’ gene, then she may want to pay a visit to her local doctor. He/She could provide her with some professional help....
Then again, no guy would want a wife who laughs like a hyena at every little thing that he says just for the sake of it. That would be awkward and the husband will be left thinking ‘Exactly who or what have i married?’

9) Compliments. I have in many of my previous articles talked about how a man’s ego is his pride and glory so for a woman to give him the occasional pat on the back can be quite encouraging. It is a motivating factor that a guy relies on and so, i believe that it is a quality that a guy may be looking for in a spouse. This may sound quite offensive but i am in no way trying to offend the male population. I’m merely trying to make a point. A guy is similar to.... a dog? They do all the tricks and then come running to you for a dog biscuit, a pat on the back and the whole ‘Who’s a good boy’ speech. Nevertheless, they do say that ‘A dog is a man’s best friend’ so take it as a compliment...

8) Understanding. We all know that men and women are COMPLETLY different to one another and we can just about understand ourselves, let alone someone who is of the opposite gender. Mashallah the way that our minds work is just amazing. However, there are times when a male and female struggle to understand one another and this can be pretty frustrating. For example, a woman may struggle to understand why a guy must yell at the television scream every time their favourite team scores – A guy may struggle to understand why a woman insists that she needs to go on a shopping spree when she went just the other day.

From a guy POV, a woman can be quite ‘pushy’ and demanding so instead of having a nagging partner, they would like a wife who is patient and at least a little understanding. As soon as a woman tells her husband ‘You need to this’ and ‘You need to do that’, he automatically switches off because he can’t handle the pressure. This is why i believe that a guy would like a wife who knows when to ‘drop it’. This should bring the two together and allow them to open up to one another therefore increasing their levels of communication.

7) The little things. They say that ‘It’s the littlest things that count’. Unlike girls, a guy doesn’t really like to be ‘showered in gifts’ but that’s not to say that he doesn’t like to be appreciated. You don’t have to turn into ‘Superwoman’ but i believe that a guy will be looking out for a woman who is able to identify his individual needs (Girls, he should do the same for you).

6) Individuality. They say that ‘Every person is unique in their own way’ and i believe that it is a woman’s unique character that makes her the great person that she is. Speaking as a Muslimah, i understand just how girls are affected by the peer pressure of looking like the women that she sees on the billboards or on the magazine covers. Personally, i believe that a guy may be more attracted and geared towards marrying a woman who stands out from the crowd – Who ain’t like all the other girls and instead, is different (in a good way)

5) Appearance. I ranked this ‘quality’ at number five mainly because i was unsure as to where else to place it in the countdown and so decided to play it safe by placing it at number five. Statistics show that a woman’s smile is the most attractive physical feature (Read it in the Daily Mail) The more a woman smiles, the more confident a guy becomes in believing that this woman has a great personality (and also that she knows how to take a joke)

For some guys, appearance is a very important factor – For some, it ain’t that much of an issue. Like they say, ‘Its what’s on the inside that matters’ but hey, that’s just my opinion. I think that when it comes to appearance, different guys have different views and opinions so i think that I’ll leave it as that.

4) Personality. This is a factor that interests both genders. They say that ‘Opposites attract’ but this is not always the case. I think that it depends on the person in question. Whether the woman is the total opposite to you or whether you both have a lot in common is important to a certain extent but i think that what a Brother is really looking for when looking for a wife is someone whose personality is able to shine through. Someone who’s personality is able to reflect their inner beauty and also someone who they are able to have a good old laugh with. (Cheesy – I know!)

3) Good Listener. We all like to have a good moan and i think that this is something that the female population in particular are very good at. However, i have noticed that us girls have our closet fiends on speed dial (for emergency purposes) and it is them who we turn to for advice, support and a shoulder to lean on. That is all expected but i think that at times, a guy would like his wife to turn to him for all those things. I know that it won’t be the same as if you were moaning to your friend but hey, it’s worth a try ain’t it? I think that the guy would in turn like the same treatment. Instead of turning to one of his mates, i think that time to time he’ll like to turn to his wife for emotional support. Someone who would shut up and listen to him and not interrupt – at least not until he is finished that is.

2) Love. I think that this is something that every girl and many guys dream about. I know that a girl dreams of being loved for who she is, but the more i think about it, the more i begin to think that many guys would like to, in turn receive the same ‘loving’. Unlike girls though, guys don’t usually admit to such a thing – I’m assuming that it’s a guy thing? Nevertheless, i believe that it is an important factor that keeps a relationship together.

I have finally arrived at the ‘Big one!’. Can i have a drum roll please? *drum roll*
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1) Trust. Your entire marriage is built upon trust. All the other factors that i have mentioned in the countdown also help to hold a relationship together but trust is the main component. Whether it be trusting your partner to be there for you in your time or need or whether it be trusting your partner to pick up the kids on time, it is the lack of trust that can easily destroy a marriage and i believe that this is a factor that a guy is most scared of – Allow me to explain why. Whether you read it in a newspaper or in a magazine, you are bound to find at least one story about a woman who has just found out that her husband has been cheating on her with another woman or an article about a woman who committed suicide due to not being able to cope with her husbands lies.

In the relationship, it is the husband who has to be the ‘responsible’ one of making sure that he is able to support his family etc. He has so much pressure on his two shoulders (as do women) and he has been trusted by his wife to stand by her and make sure that the decision that he makes are the right ones. In a way, trust and decision making go hand in hand.

Once there is trust within a relationship, the foundation is built but this foundation can easily be broken. It takes a long time to trust someone but that trust can be gone within a matter of seconds. No pressure then.

And that is the end of the countdown! I do apologize about the delay and my only excuse is the lack of time. Despite this being my thirtieth article, i have decided to slow down a bit. I return to sixth form in a few days and i know that i won’t have enough time to write weekly articles. Many of you are probably aware of just how difficult it is becoming to get into university which is why this year is a crucial one for me. I shall still be writing, just not as often – Probably one article every two months.

The ‘Ask Alima’ service shall still be going and the book ‘It’s just a Fairy Tale’ is still in its proof reading stage. I do feel quite sad about having to come to a halt with the writing but i know that it’s something that i have to do. I’d like to thank each and every one of you for your support!
‘A Muslimah’s Blog’ group can be found on facebook so i would appreciate it if you would search, join and recommend. I promised you that i would leave you with a video and here it is. It is a mini Baba Ali production about how culture has negatively affected the whole ‘marriage proposal’ process.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=He2WVaxSYcw

Once again, Jazakallah Khair! Please, take care of yourself, remember the Ummah in your duas and keep smiling! Its charity!

Asalamu Alaikum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuhu.

‘Do you still want to be perfect?’ By guest writer

Salam All. I pray that you are in the best of health. A friend of mine emailed me asking whether i could possibly publish a short writing piece that she had written about body image. Mashallah she did such a brilliant job and i hope that you read it, understand it and most of all, benefit from it. Until next time my fellow Brothers and Sisters, take care, stay safe, remember me in your duas and keep smiling.
Asalamu Alaikum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuhu.

Are there times when you look in the mirror and think to yourself ‘I’m not pretty’? Images of models flash before your very eyes - We turn towards the media and dream of being perfect. In this article, i would like to uncover the true meaning of beauty.

They say that confidence comes naturally but this isn’t entirely true. I was a person who suffered from self confidence and longed for the ‘gift’ of being able to click my fingers and if my magic, be perfect. However, i wanted this all for the wrong reasons. I wanted to make myself perfect, but perfect for the wrong reasons.

And from months of battling this I think I am now able to reach out to other people Inshallah. I'm sure many of us may have been down that road or know someone who has.

Firstly, prettiness is temporal and beauty is eternal. Our beauty remains forever and it is reflected in many dimensions. Prettiness is temporal; it comes and goes. We want to be perfected and retouched like the fake girls we see on the pages of vogue magazine but no matter how hard you try, you will always be you but there is nothing wrong with that.

I would like to say that by questioning our beauty, we are in actual fact pushing away our original beauty. By questioning our beauty, we are also questioning God and asking him ‘Why hasn’t he made me beautiful?’

Next time you think this, look in the mirror and remind yourself that you are beautiful in your own way. Think about what you have got rather than what you haven’t. Get a pen and paper and list at least 10 good things about yourself. Go on. You’ve got nothing to lose!

Does my bum look big in this? - By Alima Ali

Salam All. I pray that you are in the best of health. I’m going to be open and admit that i was totally ‘bummed’ for ideas when it came to writing this article. Get it? Bummed as in – Ok moving on! Nevertheless, my good friend Marya was on hand and it was her idea to write an article based on the issue of weight.

I’m going to aim this article at both genders as i believe it is an issue that can affect both men and women (guys and girls). That is why i have decided to split this article into two parts. In the first part i shall be addressing the female gender and in the second part, i shall be addressing the male gender. Here we go!

We all come in different sizes – You have the group of girls who range from size zero to size eight and then you have the group of girls who are Pear shaped, Apple Shaped, Aloo shaped etc. I fit into this category but i can honestly hand on heart say that i am proud of being weirdly shaped. Seriously, the percentage of women who pay thousands of pounds to have Botox ‘pumped’ in their rear end in order to look like Kim Kardashians is just unbelievable. For those who don’t know who she is, then check this out:

http://blog.zap2it.com/thedishrag/legacyimages/thedishrag/images/2008/06/16/kim_kardashian_atlantic_records_jun.jpg

As you can clearly see, her rear end is ‘walking’ 2 miles behind her but do you see her complaining? I tell you what she is doing though, she is embracing her curves and she is embracing he feminine side. Curvaceous women can do all that but without the price tag.

And according to a recent scientific study that was carried by Oxford University, a big bum can help you live to a ‘ripe old age’ I read that in the MSN Health section so if i were you, i would celebrate your curvaceous behind as it is only a matter of time before everyone would be wanting one.

I think that sometimes the curvier girls end up feeling intimidated and almost threatened by the skinny stick insect girls. Let me give you a common example, one of which Marya came up with. You go to a restaurant and when it comes to order the food, your friend goes to the waiter ‘Oh i would like a plate of salad and a glass of Evian water’ I mean hello?? Are you or are you not at a restaurant? It’s not as if a typical restaurant’s menu consists of ‘A skinny chicken served with a plate of fate free fries and a glass of pure water’

You end up ordering the same as your friend and by the time you reach home, your dying of starvation and walking towards the kitchen like a zombie with your arms stretched out in front of you chanting ‘FOOOOOOD.... I NEED FOOOOOOD’

I’m telling you now, Curvy is the new skinny and statistics show that the opposite gender prefer hourglass and pear shaped women to size zero girls.... Don’t ask. I read it in the Daily Mail. So many women spend time, money and effort on trying to change themselves into someone that they’re not and most of the time they don’t do it for themselves but they instead do it to impress others. The ones who are the most truthful to you are the ones who accept you just the way you are, no matter what shape or size you may be. It’s what’s on the inside that matters and don’t you ever forget that. You are your own person and you are unique in your own way so stand up, hold your head high with one hand on your chest and the other one in the salute position and sing ‘I am who i am!!!!!!’ Ahem. Sorry about that.

Anywho, I’d like to move onto the second part of this article where i shall be addressing the male gender – Here we go! Us ladies understand that you guys take great pride in your appearance but what i don’t understand is why you feel you should look like a body builder? I’m assuming that it’s a ‘guy thing’?

Unlike women who come in two different sizes, guys come in three standard sizes. You have the tall and skinny guy, the short and beer belly guy and then the ‘Watch out Superman, You have met your match’ guy and occasionally, you have the ‘normal size’ guy. (I don’t mean to offend the male gender. I think that i had done enough of that in my previous articles)

I don’t think that it would be appropriate for me to use ‘curvaceous’ and ‘guy’ in the same sentence as the two just don’t go. However, i do believe that guys are just as conscious as women when it comes to body image – I mean, who isn’t? There is a BIG difference between being curvaceous and being overweight. It can be argued that there is nothing wrong with being overweight if you yourself are happy with the way you are. However, Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) warned us about the dangers of overeating: If he has to fill his stomach, then let him leave one-third for food, one-third for drink and one-third for air.” (Reported by al-Tirmidhi and Ibn Maajah. Saheeh al-Jaami’, 5674).

Be honest now, do you really leave 1/3 for air? I for one don’t and I’m sure that i don’t have to bore you with scientific consequences; Increase risk of diabetes, heart disease, stroke and the list goes on. What we need to do is find a balance between being a stick insect and a round beach ball and I’m addressing both genders. We have all had an ‘omgosh it doesn’t fit anymore’ crisis. Girls, that pair of jeans that you only brought two weeks ago didn’t shrink in the wash and guys, the buttons on the new shirt that you brought for the job interview weren’t already loose.

You see where all growing. Instead of fighting it, we should be embracing it and attempting to find a balance between being underweight and overweight.

It is time for me to wrap up this article. If you have any suggestions for future articles, you can contact me via email: alima-15@hotmail.co.uk

Until next time my fellow Brothers and Sisters, take care, stay safe, remember me in your duas and keep smiling.

Asalamu Alaikum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuhu.

The Concept of Love - By Alima Ali

Salam all. I pray that you are in the best of health. Usually before i write an article, i have a clear image inside my head as to the ‘theme’ of the article but i with this one i just allowed my fingers to do the typing. I’m using past tense as i have already written half of this article so Marya, you don’t need to jump down my neck about using different tenses – hehe.

Before i allow you to go ahead and read this article, I’d first like to make a few points as well as share some news with you all. First of all some brief news regarding my book ‘It’s just a Fairy Tale’. Well at the moment it is on hold and that is because i am getting a very close friend of mine to proof read what i have written and I’m hopefully planning on using her feedback to improve on the chapters that i have already written. I am also suffering from what can only be described as being a writer’s worse nightmare – A writer’s block. I’m trying to figure out as to where i want to go next and the most frustrating thing is that i have got the ending all planned out as well as part of the beginning but i haven’t quite pieced together the middle. Nevertheless, i am working on it and just pray that Allah swt provides me inspiration. As well as this, i have also been looking into publishers and have contacted one or two publishing companies. I have also been looking into literacy agents and doing some research.

Now, onto my second point. One of my readers commented on the overall concept of my articles and described me as ‘wasting my time by talking about love and politics’ which is why i would like to take the opportunity of bluntly saying that if you have a problem with me talking about i quote ‘love and politics’ then don’t bother reading my articles. My articles are mainly aimed at the female gender and i usually write and discuss topics that the female population are able to relate to. Only recently have a few guys begun to read my articles and hey, that’s ok – I have no problem with that.

If you don’t like to read what i write about then you can easily suggest a topic/issue and I’ll try my best to write an article based upon what you have suggested but please don’t turn around and be downright rude.

Amongst all this, i have come up with an idea. I know your probably thinking ‘Oh no, what is she up to now?’ but i actually got the idea from a Charmed episode. Before i go ahead and tell you what the idea is, i would firstly like to say that i am 100% serious and committed and whether it will work Allahu Alim but i won’t know unless i give it a go. Ok. Brace yourself people. I am thinking of doing something called ‘Ask Alima’ – See it as being a sort of agony aunt service. This will give you the opportunity to email me with any problems that you may have or any questions that you would like answers to but are too embarrassed to ask. It would be 100% confidential and no one – I repeat no-one would know of your question/problem(s). You may just want someone to talk to or a shoulder to lean on but either way, i would only be an email away. Like they say ‘A problem shared is a problem halved’ and if you can help someone, they hey, why not. So erm what do you think? Like i said, I’m just an email away: alima-15@hotmail.co.uk I’ve got nothing to lose but you may have a lot to gain.

Phew! Now that i have gotten that out of the way, i can finally introduce my article. I hope that you enjoy reading it and i can almost guarantee that you will find yourself cringing at certain ‘cheesy parts’ and i apologize. I have just finished reading an Act from Romeo and Juliet and so I’m still in a ‘dazed’ mood. I just want to add in a quick thank you to Ayesha Bashir who kindly pointed out a common spelling mistake of mine. All i can say is that you cannot always rely on Microsoft Word Spell Check.

Here is my article: ‘The Concept of Love’ Enjoy!

Love is an expression of what one feels for another being. It is a four letter word that is overly used and the meaning that it holds is quite overwhelming. Every girl dreams of it – Whether the opposite gender shares the same ‘dream’ is a question that is yet to be answered. The whole concept of love shouldn’t be shared but rather be kept between two lovers.

For those people who deny the existence of love, please answer this: You use the word ‘love’ in your everyday language. You say that you love chocolate, that you love playing sports and maybe even shopping but then why don’t you believe in being able to love a physical being?
Some people make the common mistake of mistaking lust for love but despite their similarity, they are two different things. Lust comes from Shaytan and is merely a temptation to commit wrong whereas Love comes from Allah swt and is a great blessing.

There is a reason as to why they say love ‘love grows within a marriage’ and there is also a reason as to why sexual contact with the opposite gender is forbidden outside marriage. However, why do many of insist on believing that the whole ‘boyfriend/girlfriend’ issue is tolerated in Islam?

Tell me; what is more important to you – Your religion or your boyfriend. Wherever you go, your deen will go with you but can the same be said for your boyfriend who is supposedly meant to be your ‘soul mate’? And how can he be your ‘soul mate’ if you have committed haram to be with him? I am in no way targeting a specific individual or specific group of people so i do apologize i f i end up offending anyone – That is not my intention.

A few days ago someone asked me whether i am in love and to be honest with you, i didn’t know whether to burst out laughing or whether to say ‘Say what?!’ Apparently this person asked me this question because i frequently, within my articles, talk about romance and marriage. The reason why i so frequently talk about such issues is because speaking as an Asian, i believe that such topics have in a way been ‘shunned’ away and so if you were for example to talk about romance within a marriage, you will suddenly find the people around you muttering stuff like ‘Besharam’ because from a cultural point of view, discussing such a topic is seen as being an embarrassment.

In the end, you’re left with a typical boxing arena scene. Ahem. *loud bulky voice* ‘In the Red corner we have the Besharam crew and in the Blue corner we have the Muslim ladies – Round1, Ding Ding!’ The Outcome? A bunch of typical Asians who have still yet to get over the traumatic experience of being asked to discuss the concept of love and a bunch of confused.com Muslim ladies who still have a bunch of unanswered questions and still no-one to turn to.

I think that what many of us fail to remember is that you can have the almost perfect husband (or wife) but if the love and the passion ain’t there, then what’s the point? There are many different aspects to a marriage and one of them includes love. You see, a marriage is a bit like a jigsaw puzzle. You need to have all the pieces in the correct place in order to see the full picture but if one piece is missing, then the jigsaw i.e. marriage ain’t complete. Don’t even ask me how i come up with these analogies.

Believe it or not, i never used to believe in the whole love ‘thing’ and i used to be a major prude in secondary. Nevertheless, i have grown to believe that love does exist and that it ain’t just some fantasy that you read about in a fairytale – It is in actual fact real.

I don’t know about you, but i find it so much easier to be able to ‘express’ myself in writing rather than verbally which is why when it comes to discussing such issues, i feel that i can openly express my opinions in an article but if i were to discuss it with someone verbally, my face would be turning red, yellow, pink, green, orange and then eventually back to red.

I think that it is about time for me to wrap up this article so i wish you all the best. Stay safe, remember me in your duas and please, for the sake of the Ummah keep smiling. And also, please remember your brothers and sisters who are suffering from the floods in Pakistan in your duas. May Allah swt make things easy for them and provide them with strength and courage.

Until next time, Asalamualikum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuhu

Doctor Vs Lawyer: The limited choices - By Alima Ali

Salam All. I pray that you are in the best of health. This is an article that i have been meaning to write for some time but unfortunately, there just aren’t enough hours in the day. Also, with Ramadan being here, i have been trying to spend as much of my time in Ibadah and so, the only time that i have had to write is after Iftar.

Before i begin this article, I’d like to warn you in advance that i have just had 4 glasses of iced cold Pepsi as well as half a packet of family size skittles so at the moment, i am on a high so i do apologize if i stop making sense half way through the article. For those who know me, i am literally obsessed with Pepsi. Give me three witnesses any day and the Nikkah would be done quicker than you can say ‘Congratulations’ Unfortunately, that is not possible.

On the last day of my humanities lesson, my teacher decided to the unforgettable – She did something that everyone else before her have failed to do and she.... took two bottles of Pepsi off me. And then, oh yes there’s more – She then put me in the corner of the classroom and tied me to a chair. Can you believe it? But don’t worry Amrana – I have forgiven you! :D Anywho, back to the article. Here we go.

From the day that you are born, your future has already been decided for you and no, I’m not talking about the whole ‘Everything happens for a reason’, I’m talking about the ‘You’re either going to be a doctor or your either going to be a lawyer and that’s final’ talk. You see, from the minute that you have taken your first breath, your ‘we know what’s best’ parents have already planned out your future from the word ‘go’ and I’m not just talking about your career oh no!!! Some parents go to extreme lengths of proving that they know best by.... arranging your marriage. See it as being your 1st Birthday present. Let’s do a bit of role play – Lights, camera and... Action:

‘Mummy and Daddy have just saved you the trouble (for when you are older) by arranging your marriage but we of course need your approval. You know cousin Imran – Well he’s only a few weeks older than you and well, we feel that he is the perfect marriage partner for you and so have arranged your marriage. We however need your approval so give us smile if you are happy with our choice or a wee cry if you’re not. Yup! That was most defiantly a smile! Aren’t we just the greatest parents?!

Many Asian parents suffer from PRAO syndrome (Pride, Dignity and Honour) and so when it comes to the topic of education, the Asian community is usually divided. You either have the group of Asians who condemn women continuing on with further education and instead prefer to have their daughter(s) be married off at the age of 16 or you either have the group of Asians who strongly believe in the values of education and believe in forcing your child to become someone that they’re not.

I think that i can relate to the whole ‘Your either going to be a doctor or your either going to be a lawyer’ dilemma and that’s probably because i come from a family where my cousins (on my dad’s side) have all gone into Pharmacy, Optometry, Dentistry or Engineering and so when i came out with i want to Inshallah be a designer, it was like *gasp* ‘Did she just say what i think she just said?’

I strongly believe that it’s a culture ‘thing’ where certain professions are seen as being of a greater importance. I mean, as soon as someone discovers that you are i.e. a doctor, their attitude towards you automatically changes and they suddenly become your best friend but other than that, you’re considered as being, harsh as it may sound a ‘nobody’.

That brings me onto my next point. Certain subjects are seen as being a ‘softer’ option than compared to others and people automatically assume that you’re only studying those subjects because you are ‘dumb’. But have we ever considered that someone may be taking those subjects because they need it for a certain career or that they may be taking that particular subject because they are genuinely interested in it? And who are we to call someone dumb? Everyone is clever in their own way. Someone might be academically clever but then you might have someone else who may have the gift of the tongue and i personally believe that there is no point in having the brains when you have got a tongue like a snake.

We judge so easily it’s unbelievable. When someone doesn’t do well in an exam, we instantly assume that it’s because they didn’t bother to revise for it. But have we ever stopped to think that maybe, just maybe it could be because they just didn’t perform to their best ability on the day or that it just wasn’t meant to be? Off we go bad mouthing them and going on about how this person got this and that person got that when we should be instead saying to that person ‘Never mind. You have still got the opportunity of re-taking and Inshallah if it’s best for you, you shall do better second time round’

I’m now going to wrap up this article but before i do, i would like to make one final point. Education isn’t everything. Don’t get me wrong, it is most defiantly an important aspect of life but religion should always come first. If you have belief in Allah swt, everything else should Inshallah follow.

Until next time stay safe, remember me in your duas and keep smiling.

Asalamu Alaikum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuhu.

Salam All. I pray that you are in the best of health. This is just a quick post to inform you readers that i have not forgotten about you and that an article is currectly in progess and shall Inshallah be posted soon.
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Acknowledging the Male Gender - By Alima Ali

Salam All. I pray that you are in the best of health. First of all, Ramadan Mubarak! Like many, i still cannot get over the shock that Ramadan has arrived and I’m so excited! May Allah make this blessed month easy for us and accept all our duas. Ameen.

I have got a very exciting piece of news that i would like to share with you all. For those who haven’t already seen it on my facebook page, the book cover for ‘It’s Just a Fairy Tale’ is designed and credit must be given to Ateeb. Mashallah he has done such an amazing job and I’m forever grateful. Jazakallah Khair Ateeb. I have posted the cover on my blog so if you would like to view it, then follow this link which will direct you to the blog post.
http://a-muslimahs-blog.blogspot.com/2010/08/official-book-cover-for-its-just-fairy.html

The next few paragraphs are aimed at Brother Ammar. It is evidently clear that you won our little competition fair and square so i congratulate you on that achievement. Unfortunately, you are going to have to wait quite a while for your prize but I’m sure I’ll remember a few years down the line.

Your article ‘The Great Gender Gap’ http://www.yourtwocents.co.uk/2010/the-great-gender-gap/ was quite an eye opener and in a way, i thank you for writing the article. You criticised women and were extremely sexist and i suppose that you gave me a taste of my own medicine.
There were some parts of your article where i found myself thinking ‘Oh no he didn’t just write that’ and it made me realise that some of my somewhat ‘sexist’ articles may had the same impact on yourself and on the male gender.

For that reason, I think i owe you and the male gender an apology. But first, allow me to explain myself. A majority of my readers are female and so, we in a way seek pleasure in making fun and criticising the male gender – ‘That’s the way we roll :D’. However, i suppose that shouldn’t be used as an excuse for generalising the male population and to be honest with you, you guys ain’t half bad and i say that with great difficulty. The last thing i want is for your ego to expand to the size of your big heads! :D Ok ok, I’m sorry – There was no need for that ‘insult’. I think that like with everything, you have the majority of guys who falsely represent the minority and unfortunately, that result in people like me forming an overall opinion.

I am writing an article for your website and I shall Inshallah be reading and reviewing a few of your articles. Mashallah your website is by the looks of things doing fantastically well so credit must be given. Keep up the hard work and i pray that Allah swt grants you and the other Brothers involved within the website the upmost success. Ameen.

However! Before i continue with this article, i would like to share with you a few quotations from my previous articles and I’m sure that even you Brother Ammar will agree with them:

“They come home expecting their hot meal to be all laid out on the table and they then throw off their shoes and stink up the whole house with their big fat Shrek like feet! And do you hear them asking you about your day? No! Because they are too busy going on about how many miles they drove and then complaining about how taxes have gone up. I mean, does it look as if we care?!”

“What men fail to remember is that the woman is the one who has to carry their child for 9 months and then have to grow the labour process whilst they are standing there asking you if you are ok! I mean, does she look ok???!!!!!!”

“Yes i know that a woman should respect her husband and all but i don’t know about you, but cleaning, ironing and cooking 24/7 is not respect. I tell you what respect are. Getting a frying pan and hitting him over the head with it because if he expects you to be a chef, raise 5 kids and look good all day, then I’m sorry to say but the action of the frying pan is most defiantly needed”

Ok. Now that the formalities are out of the way, allow me to resume to this article. I have already stated that a few of my articles are quite ‘sexist’ which is why i have decided to base this article on the male gender. Here we go!

1. Guys are stronger than girls. Don’t get me wrong Sisters, not all girls avoid hard work in the fear that they might break a fingernail but when it comes to the ‘hard graft’ as they call it, men do (unfortunately) come on top.

2. SOME and i repeat some of you can be quite considerate to a member of the opposite sex. It may not be much, but opening the door for a lady or saying ‘You first’ can totally change a girls opinion from ‘What a pig’ to ‘what a gentleman’

3. SOME and again i repeat some of you actually are hygienically clean. But then i suppose who have the other extreme when a guy spends hours in the bathroom straightening their hair, making sure that there is not even one crease in their shirt and of course, making sure that their facial hair is neatly cut which supposedly ‘makes them a man’

I’m going to stop there but Brother Ammar, you cannot deny that i did make an effort in ‘Acknowledging the Male Gender’

As for my Sisters out there, fear not. We have something that men shall NEVER have and that is the blessing of being able to understand a woman’s emotional needs. Something that a guy will NEVER be able to understand.

I shall now leave you with a hadith that Sister Khaleda emailed to me about the importance of treating women ‘nicely’. Until next time, stay safe, remember me in your duas and... Keep smiling!

Asalamu Alaikum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuhu.

“Narrated Abu Huraira: Allah 's Apostle said, "Treat women nicely, for a women is created from a rib, and the most curved portion of the rib is its upper portion, so, if you should try to straighten it, it will break, but if you leave it as it is, it will remain crooked. So treat women nicely." (Bukhari, 3106)”

The official book cover for 'It's Just a Fairy Tale'

Just double click on the image if you would like it to be enlarged.

Review of article 'Growing Up - Why are we so pressurised?'

Salam All. I pray that you are well. I mentioned that a few of my articles were going to be reviewed by Brother Ammar from 'TwoCents' and here is his review of my article 'Growing Up - Why are we so pressurised?' Enjoy!

Salam,

I've managed to take a look at your article entitled "Growing Up" and thought I'd give you some feedback. Before I say anything though, I just wish to remind you that I am no professional. Whether you wish to use it or not is entirely up to you. This is simply an opinion of one budding writer to another. Inshallah you will find it of some use.

I love this article. It's very sincere, heartfelt, and you deal with the facts straight-up which is good to see. Your use of rhetorical questions (Don’t you just hate it when you are asked to grow up?) and repetitive phrases (This isn’t a fantasy, this is reality. This isn’t the girl that lives down the road, this is your daughter.) is powerful and engaging to the reader, putting them on the backfoot and causing them to think about themselves.

You then go on to elaborate on a number of other topics (living in the west/peer pressure/controlling our desires/temptations) briefly but I think you missed out on not linking it to the main topic which was about being pressurised to grow up. All those topics are certainly relevant but you failed to link them to the topic, reminding the audience to stay on track. On a sidenote, I disagree with your assessment that there is no cure for Peer Pressuritis. There is and it's this. Become a non-conformist. Our faith teaches us to integrate with society but not to the extent that we loosen our principles to get there. Make friends, hang out with them, but if they try to entice you to have a drink with them, politely say no and stick to your principles. Be firm but fair. I agree this requires bravery but isn't bravery more honourable than conforming to the status quo? Anywho...

In the final paragraph, you acknowledge that you went of on a tangent (technically you didn't, my above point would clarify this). You ended it BRILLIANTLY! Good message of living life to the full, but in a halal way. Smiling is sooooo important (as muslims, we are pretty damn miserable I must admit) and be thankful for what you have. Nice way to round it off.
Hope you find this of some use, I'm intrigued that you're writing a book. Do tell me more, and if you could, please write an article for my website too. It can be about anything from fashion to media to sport to politics, as long as it is for a secular audience.

Last thing (i swear). Your latest article is LOOOONG! interesting although highly sexist. I'll give feedback another time.

Take Care

Ammar Farishta OMT