Of Valentine’s Day and arranged marriages (part 2) - By Alima Ali

Salam All! I pray that you are in the best of health. My break from writing was a slightly extended one but also a much needed one. Nevertheless, I am back with many more ideas for upcoming articles and topics to discuss. The first topic of this article is Valentine’s Day. Enjoy!
The 14th of February is seen by many as being an iconic day. Valentines Days goes back to the Roman Empire where the 14th of February was a holiday to honour Juno who was the Queen of the Roman Gods and Goddesses. Juno was otherwise known as the Goddess of women and marriage.

Anywho, there were strict rules and guidelines to the mixing of the two sexes. However, there was a tradition where on the eve of Valentine’s Day, the girls would write their name on a piece of paper and place it in a jar. A guy would come and pick a jar and the two would dance together on the eve of Valentine’s Day and eventually fall in love etc. (So much for the strict guidelines)

So where did Valentine come from? Well, he was a priest (who went by the name Valentine) He hated the emperor of Rome as he wanted to build up a large army but no-one wanted to join as they wanted to be with their loved ones and so a rule was made, banning all marriages from taking place.

One night Valentine got caught secretly marrying a couple and got thrown into jail and was later killed. To cut a long story short, the emperors daughter amongst other people regularly visited the priest to tell him that they too ‘believed in love’ and it is from this where the whole love letter writing tradition begun.
There are many different interpretations behind the meaning of Valentine’s Day but the purpose of this iconic day is simple – It is a day where loved ones express their love to each other through gifts and chocolates. But hang on, Valentine’s Day only happens once a year so what do couples do for the other 364 days? Many Muslims have embraced this cultural traditions and I would like to look at the reasons behind why we feel that we should be embracing such a cultural tradition that goes against many of the values and teachings of Islam.

A few days ago i went to the card factory and before i even walked into the shop, i was literally bombarded with posters, teddy bears, wrapping paper and balloons, all in the name of Valentine’s Day. By the time i had gotten into the shop, i had been transported from reality to what can only be described as being a fantasy of love. I say fantasy as it’s all fake. Don’t get me wrong, the teddy bears are so adorable and the A1 cards are massive but I personally think that it is an incentive for Muslims to commit haram. If you’re married or engaged, then that’s a total different matter but if you have got a boyfriend or girlfriend, and are celebrating and encouraging the rituals of Valentine’s Day, then that’s simply wrong.

Married/engaged couples should be ‘celebrating’ their love for each other every day and not just on February 14th. It can at times be difficult living in a Western society as we are constantly surrounded by temptation. Nevertheless, we must never forget our religion and our purpose(s) in life.

If you don’t receive a Valentines present of some sort, nobody likes you – If nobody likes you, you’re not likeable and known to be ‘ugly’ one which in turn, lowers your self confidence. And it works both ways. If you receive loads of valentine’s gifts, loads of members of the opposite sex ‘like’ you which means that you’re very popular which increases your confidence to the point where your ego is the size of a balloon.

I have nothing against Valentine’s Day but when it reaches the stage where we are tempted by its traditions to commit haram that is when it becomes a problem.

A few fellow readers asked me to discuss arranged marriages. When i asked them what part of arranged marriages that they wanted me to discuss, their response was that they wanted to my opinions on the whole issue. My views on arranged marriages have drastically changed over the last few months, most particularly after reading the book ‘Love in a headscarf’ by shelina zahra janmohamed. Before reading this book, i wasn’t very keen on arranged marriages and was quite closed minded about them. However, from the moment i began to read ‘Love in a headscarf’ i found myself within the company of a woman who had chose the ‘arranged marriage’ route and it wasn’t long before i was in hysterics and re-reading certain parts that really brought a smile to my face. Only now have i realised that arranged marriages aren’t that bad and almost the better option as opposed to searching for a marriage partner yourself. What really made me stop and think ‘O.M.G’ was that it took Shelina 10 years to find her perfect spouse but no doubt it was worth the wait. I would most definitely recommend this book so what you’re waiting for? Go and buy it!

So what do i now think of arranged marriages? I think that they aren’t that bad. After all parents know best and what’s the worst they can do? *shifty eyes* If you don’t agree with their choice, you can always decline so either way, you don’t lose out. Just make sure that you make it clear to your parents, aunties or other match making assistants what you are looking for in a spouse. The last thing you want is to have a Borat look alike sitting in your living room sipping a cup of tea saying ‘Hello. My name is Borat’

In some cases, an arranged marriage is a bit like a blind date, just without the date. You don’t really know the possible suitor until they have arrived on your doorstep. What you have to remember is that with an arranged marriage, you are not only marrying the guy/girl but you are also marrying their whole family so first impressions really do count.

The advantage to an arranged marriage is that the parents, aunties and everyone else involved are able to find out about the possible suitors family background to find out if they are marriage material – This isn’t possible with a love marriage but hey, they say that love grows and develops within the marriage.

And.... I have reached the end of the article. A very late Happy New Year and i pray that Allah (swt) fills this year with happiness and joy! Until next time stay safe, remember me in your duas and keep smiling!

Asalamu Alaikum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuhu.

Alima