Of Boys Vs Girls, Marriage Proposals and Wedding traditions - By Alima Ali

Salam All. I pray that you are in the best of health. Many of you emailed me asking me whether i have decided to stop writing and the answer to this question is no. It’s just that i have been quite busy with work experience, writing my personal statement and also coursework and so, i have struggled to find the time to actually sit down at my laptop and write. Nevertheless, i have finally made the time to write this article and have promised myself that i am not to move until i have written and posted this article so enjoy

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First of all, allow me to welcome a new reader, Sister Khaleda to recently got in touch with me via email after reading my article ‘Inner Beauty Or Out?’ on ‘Chill Yo Islam Yo’ and i would also like to inform you of a website called ‘YourTwo Cents’ which is a website that has been set by a group of Muslim friends and it gives writers from across the globe an opportunity showcase their articles. I emailed them a few months ago and Alhumdilillah i received a reply from them saying that they are willing to review my articles.

So Alhumdilillah life in general is great! Now, to today’s article. This article is going to be split into three different sections (refer to title). A few days ago, me and my brother and sisters decided to play a game called ‘Boys Vs Girls’ where we took turns to state the positives and negatives of being a girl and in my little brothers case (who is seven) the positives and negatives of being boy. This stirred up an idea for an article and so here i am, sharing with you some of the things that we came up.

Let me start off with stating the advantage of being a girl. Well first of all, we ‘rule’. There is no denying it and when it comes to the whole ‘Which gender is the most dominant’; we girls always come out on top. (I know I’m being sexist but hey, i was born a feminist!)

We have the option of wearing makeup which can come in great use when you are having an ‘off day’ It doesn’t only enhance our natural flaws but it also disguises those nasty little blemishes that decided to pop up the night before you are to be going to a party or wedding (or any other event where you want to look your best.

We can dress up (appropriately of course) and the ability of being able to shop around for hours comes naturally to us. We have our own personal ways of relieving our stress whether it be running a warm soapy bath or ringing up your best friend and moaning about how crap your day was before bursting into tears for no reason at all. Unlike men, we don’t see crying as an embarrassment and a sign of weakness but merely a way of releasing our selves (And there is also the other advantage which is of course turning on the waterworks when you and your partner have just had an argument – The guilt trip usually works)

We are very strong minded. Usually, we’re not afraid to speak our mind and tell our sister that the dress that she brought last week that she thought looked good is actually quite hideous.

Now to the disadvantages. Despite the positives being never ending, we like every other human have our disadvantages. One word – gossip. If we’re not gossiping about the girl who lives down the road who has just gotten engaged to someone that she met on SingleMuslim.com, then we’re chattering on about Cheryl and Cole’s marriage breakdown. Most of what we hear anyway is distorted so the truth is rarely there. And most often, you hear girls doing the well known Dot from EastEnders line: ‘You know me. I’m not one to gossip but word has it that-‘and off you go!

The main disadvantage is having to PMS every month (which don’t get me wrong, is a blessing in its own way) but when you have spent the night suffering from cramps and then wake up only to find that there is no hot chocolate left in the house, you see it as being anything but a blessing. The mood swings and the ‘all over the place’ emotions can make it even more of an uncomfortable experience. These noticeable signs automatically indicate to those around us that ‘It’s that time of the month again so if i were you, i would stay away for your own safety’.

Speaking from a Cultural POV, we don’t have the same rights and in some extreme cases, the same status as guys. We can’t stroll in at two o’clock in the morning and say in response to the question ‘where have you been?’ that we have been ‘you know, out and about innit’ (hate that word!’ Again speaking from a cultural POV, it is essential for us to know how to good a perfect three course meal as well as be able to make perfect chapattis. I’m sorry but we have Google now. One click and three seconds later and Bobs your uncle, your staring at the recipe that tells you how to make the perfect Aloo Gobi Dish and if you scroll down, your given the number of your local takeaway shop - Out with the old (Chapattis) and in with the new (Naan!!!!)

I’m not going to linger on the negative points of being a girl because all in all, we are amazingly talented in every way and we have no-one but Allah (swt) to thank. To be honest of you, I couldn’t really think of any advantages of being a guy so I’m just going to share with you the points that my little brother came up with. Apparently you are able to get away with most things which i personally disagree with. If a child has been well disciplined, then he should know where the line is and if anything, live in fear of overstepping the line.

When guys have a phone conversation, it hardly ever lasts for more than 10 minutes whereas girls have a tendency of spending 20 minutes alone saying ‘Goodbye’ Guys have more freedom and no-one hardly ever acknowledges their bad habits whereas women have to go and ‘name and shame’ someone in public.

Let me give you an example. I have got a bad habit of biting my nails but Alhumdilillah have cut down a lot (when i put it like that, it sounds almost ridiculous) Anyway, my grandma absolutely HATES me biting my nails and once i was at a wedding, and in front of EVERYONE, she goes to me in my own language ‘Are you Hungry’ and everyone began to laugh. Talk about embarrassment!

Anyway back to the positives. A guy only has to say one word to have his mum come running and that one word is ‘Mummy’ Thank God that’s not allowed in my household but in many cases, a guy is usually a ‘Mummy’s Boy’

Let me quickly state the disadvantages of being a guy. Well firstly many guys have no hygiene factors what’s so ever! And i really do see that as being a disadvantage. I mean, if a guy can’t make his bed and clean his room then seriously, what is his purpose in this world? (Metaphorically speaking of course)

Guys have no sensitive side. It’s like as if they don’t know how to cry. Can you imagine a guy going to a funeral just standing there, kicking the gravel with his feet whilst looking at his watch? What a way to pay your respects. And finally, they are hardly ever there when you need them. When you have just come in with the shopping or when you can’t open the jam jar, they never seem to be around.

To conclude the first part of the article, i believe that both genders are important in their own way. W are all unique in our own way and Alhumdilillah we are so blessed. Both genders need one another and despite frequently stereotyping guys, there are guys out there who are clean and treat girls with respect and have manners. And there are girls out there who don’t gossip as much as Dot Cotton or shop till they drop. We all have our flaws but hey, that’s what makes us human.

In the second part of this article, i am going to be discussing Marriage Proposals. This section is going to be quite short. I know someone in particular who gets VERY offended as soon as someone indicates a marriage proposal in anyway whether it be in a jokey way or whether it be indirectly. Both ways, she gets quite hyped up and yup, she is the same age as me. I rather not name her as she is probably cringing with embarrassment while reading this.

I can understand why she gets quite worked up about. I mean, not everyone wants to marry at such a young age – That most certainly ain’t an option for me and as for my friend, it’s an option that she will NEVER consider but what i have learnt is that if some-one does ask for ones hand in marriage at the age of 16, 17 or 18, it doesn’t necessarily mean that they want to get married there and then. It could be that they just want to get engaged and not have the actual wedding until the girl is of a more suitable age.

And plus, if someone did come and ask for your hand in marriage, wouldn’t you be.... honoured? I mean, it’s not every day that someone comes and asks you to marry them. Nevertheless, she is quite opinionated and at times stubborn but also an amazing person. She knows who she is. Hmmm..... I best end this section of the article here as I’m getting the feeling that if i continue on, i really would be ‘dead’ (Metaphorically speaking.... i think)

Wedding Traditions. I think i have briefly covered this issue in a previous article as i am having a ‘Déjà Vu’ moment but nevertheless, I’ll cover it again: D Weddings are quite obviously a special occasion and some people go to extreme lengths to mark this special day. You know what I’m talking about? The limousines, the DJ, etc. But the one thing that really makes me laugh and at times, is the traditions.

Let me name a few. The first and most obvious one being the whole ‘putting oil in the grooms head and putting mendhi (henna) on a tissue that the bride is holding’ I’m sorry but what is that exactly meant to signify?

A most recent (modern) tradition is dedicating songs to the bride and groom. I have seen this at several weddings and i personally find this humiliating. And the DJ doesn’t stop there. At the most recent wedding that i went to, the DJ was doing a shout out to the Brides grandma because it was her birthday. Every five seconds ‘Put your hands together for the newly weds – Everybody give a massive shout out to Granny... she has just turned 100 today!’ I really don’t think that the grandma would appreciate the DJ sharing her age with the ‘whole generation’
Another tradition is having massive plasma screens that show... wait for it... baby pictures of the bride and groom. Who comes up with these ridiculous ideas? Why would the bride and groom want to be humiliated on the one day that they are meant to remember for the rest of their lives? At this rate, they’ll be remembering the day all for the wrong reasons.

I can think of many more ridiculous and humiliating traditions but I’m going to stop here as i have just realised that i have reached the fourth page of this word document making this officially my longest article. I wanted to make it up to all you guys for not posting an article and i hope that you enjoyed reading this one.

I wish you all well and Until next time, stay safe, enjoy the summer holidays, remember me in your duas and... Keep smiling! Its charity!

Asalamu Alaikum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuhu.